The Government is Upon His Shoulders

The Lord longs to show you compassion

What is happening in this nation? Corrupt government and anarchy. I am sad to see what is happening after this election. The media is the main culprit. All the race-baiting and distorted coverage of events. Instead of trying to bring peace and harmony; they stoke the fire of hate.

I have friends who have posted the most hateful things because some of us chose the opposing candidate. I prayed that the Lord’s will would be done in this election and then I took advantage of my right to vote. Now those who have not gotten the result they want; think it’s perfectly acceptable to go out into the streets and riot. Violence never solved a thing and we are a democracy, not a dictatorship. So would they like it if their leader was chosen by the elite?

To say that this is an issue of race or gender is the most ridiculous thing. When you look back at Washington it is nothing but a band of thieves. These are career politicians that have really exploited public office. The term “public service,” is an oxymoron for those who have held these positions for any length of time. They serve themselves and each other.

If one believes that the minorities have been exploited and now their needs are not going to be met; I would ask how this has been going for them thus far. When you look at the two candidates; Hillary Clinton and her group have been part of the Washington clan for decades. No matter how many facts come out about her dishonesty; the media have spoon fed the public to believe that “she’s the woman of the hour.” The great messiah! Before pushing this agenda; the media pushed the race agenda. This is exactly why the races are divided. They give no thought to the fact that Donald Trump was the minority among the Washington favorites. He had no political connections and was alienated; even by his own party. Don’t they have more in common with him that with Hillary Clinton?

They are angry towards him because “he’s a womanizer…etc.” Excuse me, but I seem to remember when Bill Clinton was in office, he did terrible things even within the confines of the Oval Office. Hillary Clinton stood staunchly by his side to defend him and discredit these women. How can she say she defends the rights of women and yet do such things?

If one believes that our Almighty God is truly in control; how can you come against His plan? Does He not know what is happening? Isn’t the true eternal government resting on His shoulders?

If we are waiting or the perfect candidate in our elections; it is never going to happen. King David was a great leader with a history of moral failures. Adultery, murder, manipulation, womanizing…etc. King Solomon, the wisest of all kings, also had a history of womanizing.

I’m not saying that we should ignore this; but we need to keep in mind, “we all like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all (Isaiah 53:6).

I’m glad that ultimately; my trust is in the Lord. Donald Trump did not die for me. Hillary Clinton did not die for me. My Lord Jesus gave His life, so that all could be saved.

This is simply history repeating itself. When Jesus came on the scene, the Jews thought they had a new political leader. One who was going to free them from the oppression of the Romans. This was not to be. They didn’t recognize the true Messiah and His mission was to set them free from spiritual blindness and eternal death. In the end they used the Roman’s to persecute Him. The same ones they hated were now their allies in their cause against the Lord.

I told my son just the other day that our country is like a picture of the Roman empire. They conquered so many nations and were the greatest empire of their time. But the fact is that they never needed to worry about outside terrorism, like ISIS, or Al Quaeda. They fell from within. The corruption and violence brought them down. These are things to ponder as we go forward.

I, for one am pledging my alliegiance to my Lord and Savior, and am trusting Him with everything. “His kingdom shall have no end.”

 

 

 

 

 

France, We Stand With You!

With somber hearts we say that our prayers are with you. We are so saddened by this tragedy that has unfolded on your soil, just as it had on ours many years ago. As we stand together in unity we shall overcome evil with love.

May the Lord comfort all of you and give you peace as you try to get through these difficult times.

Duck, Duck, Goose!

When I was a child we used to play a game by this name. You would go around in a circle and tap a person on the head calling out “duck, duck,” until you yelled “goose!”  If your name was called you would immediately jump up and chase person.

I feel as if I’ve been on this “wild goose chase” for quite a few years now. I have had a number of battles which I’ve had to fight and it has been exhausting. All of them were part of a bigger plan to cause distraction and throw obstacles in my way. As I’ve fought my way out of each one the Lord reminded me that this is what spiritual warfare is all about, and the enemy will always try to keep us focused on the smaller things. Not that they aren’t also important, but we find ourselves fighting the battles and not engaged in the war.

These skirmishes will either cause a person to give up or to strengthen you for the bigger task. I have found that the latter has taken place in my life. All of a sudden; I have found that I am once again being asked to prove that my brother is disabled, and I am angry. I just cannot sleep at night thinking about my father who has been robbed over and over again even in his grave, and now my disabled brother and my mother as well. This is most outrageous.

So, the Lord has taken me back to the beginning and opened my eyes to show me what I could not see. The things which were hidden from me at the beginning. Of course, He wanted them to be hidden until He would reveal these things. Everything happens in His time and for His purpose. He promises me that my father will be vindicated and he will enter into his rest. He has promised me that my family will be restored. He has shown me that all of the extreme pain that I have endured since my childhood will make sense in the end. So I wait.

But this Thanksgiving season, I truly feel thankful. I have my mother and my brother with me and  I am beginning to see the reason for all of my heartbreak.

I realize that there are agents who are obstacles to the Lord’s plans for our lives. But “greater is He that is in me, than the one who is in the world. For there are just as many assigned to us to help us with the task which the Lord has called us to.

The vessels hold the anointing

For those who have helped me along the way, “peace  be with you and blessings to you.”

For those who have not helped when they have had the chance, the Lord says, “I will contend with all of those who contend with you.” I have a special message for those who exploit the disabled and those who are in their grave…”Turn off your oven…your goose is cooked!”

This Day In Paradise

I haven’t written in a while, but something has happened which the Lord has impressed upon my heart and I feel an urgency to speak.

I have experienced great turmoil these past few years as I’ve tried to care for my mother with Alzheimer’s and the challenges of my job and family. There have been many other things which have transpired which I won’t go into since I don’t wish to glorify the enemy.

When I returned to work recently I thought that perhaps things would have been smoothed out a bit with our merger, but I was in for a surprise. That was a big “no-go.” Instead, most recently our boss was taken off in a whirlwind of scandal of corruption. What a disappointment though not shocking.

I had to think what a shame it is that today it is no big deal to hear that yet another executive is milking a company for all they can get while bringing harm to the many families that serve to earn profits. They come to serve themselves and leave a trail of devastation behind them.

All of you know from earlier posts, what thieves have done to my father, my disabled brother and me, and so many others; in the hopes of lining their pockets for the short-term payouts and no thought to the great harm that they are causing others due to their greed.

When our president stepped down, another took his place. This man seemed to have a kind heart. We were all praying for the best. Perhaps he was taking on too much. When these thieves leave a trail of disaster, other’s must clean up the mess.

Our new president suffered a heart attack the other night. I was upset and in awe at the same time. As I prayed for him and his family, the Lord reminded me that no matter how wealthy or powerful, we all share death and the grave. But one thing we do not share and we cannot buy is eternal life. No doubt both men have reflected on this at this time in their lives. They both reminded me of two men in scripture.

I thought of the two thieves on the cross. What a picture God gave us of His grace! Two thieves hanging next to Christ that day. They were both guilty of their sins. Christ was an innocent man. As one continued to curse Christ, the other was repentant as he acknowledged that although they were guilty men and deserved to die, Christ had done no wrong. He asked if Christ would remember him when He came into His kingdom. And the famous words of Christ; “truly I say unto you, today you shall be with Me in Paradise.” (Luke 23:32-43).

There are many accounts of similar people and scenarios. We have an emptiness which we cannot fill. The woman at the well-tried to fill her emptiness with relationships. The Lord knew this and addressed her. “The water you drink will leave you thirsty, but if you drink the water which I give you will  never thirst again.” She asked for this water and He told her that “I am the Living Water and if you drink of me you shall never thirst again.”

The Lord wants us to know that He is the answer to all of our needs. In both cases the thieves were hanging right next to the Messiah dying; and yet one was seeking truth and the other was stubborn and unrepentant up until his dying breath. He was mocking Christ right along with the rest of the world. It is sad that many cannot see the Savior reaching out His pierced hands. He loves all of His children equally but will not force Himself upon us. If we reject Him, He will go.

Those He loved never recognized His love and they hated Him and this is what He spoke as He looked over the city; “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing. (Matthew 23:37).

There are many people whom you love and they will not recognize that the Lord has sent you. They will reject you, they will stone you. They will hate you as they hated Him. Pray for them, that the veil will be lifted and their stubborn, unrepentant hearts will be softened so that the Lord will be able to “gather them together” before His coming!

Super Shredder!

Every day brings a new challenge with my mom. Today for some odd reason she began tearing pieces of her diaper off. I had no way of knowing that this was going to be all day long.

I went to the store and when I returned I was met by my son. He said, “Hurry up! Grandma is trying to tear her diaper off!” As I grabbed a bag of groceries and entered the house, I looked at where she was sitting. She had moved from the chair to the couch and all around her on the floor lay balls of cotton.

“What are you doing?” I asked her. She said, “I don’t know!” I escorted her to the bathroom and saw that there was literally nothing left of the diaper she was wearing. Once again I asked her, “Why are you doing this?” As honest as she could be she said, “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

I felt bad as I looked at her bewildered face. If she didn’t know that she did it, how could she know why she did it?  left the room and went into the kitchen. Every few minutes I looked at her and she was pulling on her diaper again. I had to keep yelling, “Mom don’t do that!” This continued for quite a while and I finally offered up a quiet prayer to the Lord; “Help me to understand why she’s doing this and how to help her.”

Suddenly a thought came to me and I heard the Lord speaking. He reminded me that the same part of the brain responsible for obsessive behavior is taking over right now. He reminded me to think of the things which caused me to be obsessive and how I combatted this in my own life. I realized that she would need a healthy substitute.

I thought that she seems to want to tear things. I walked over to a big pile of papers that I had planned on burning in my fireplace. I don’t have a shredder so thought this would be just as effective. I handed them to her and said, “Can you please tear this up for me? I don’t have a paper shredder and these are important documents. I set them down in front of her and she went to town!

She has been tearing them for hours. She takes each paper and makes them into strips. Then she tears and tears until they are little tiny pieces. She’s being so productive! That’s the most important part of this whole process. She feels productive!

I wanted to share this with anyone who has this challenge with someone. I feel at times that I’m in a blizzard and no one has shoveled the snow. I have to make some steps first and others can follow behind this path. It sometimes seems to be nothing but a huge wall of snow(Bostonians can relate)  and a little bit scary. But just like the old story of ‘two sets of footprints, I know I’m never alone. I hope that my experience can help some of you.

Finding Time in the Midst of Chaos

Well it has been quite a while since I’ve had a post. I thought it is time to sit down and try to write. It is not an easy task in my life.

Since my last entry, I have returned to work and as you know, the home front continues to become more of a challenge. All through the experience I keep reminding myself that I am not working my plan for my life, as much as I am submitting to my heavenly Father’s plans and purpose for me. Once I acknowledged this; my life seemed to make sense for the very first time. When things don’t go my way, I accept that it is my Father rearranging things. When things fall into place, miraculously, there is just no way I can take credit.

I just flew with someone who told me, “no you need to pat yourself on the back!” Really? Why? I don’t want to pat myself on the back. (First of all, because it is physically impossible) and secondly, I don’t feel I have done anything so great. I know that I handle my life because God gives me the strength to handle these challenges. But I cannot say that I have always been happy about the responsibilities He’s given me. And sometimes, I’ve downright lost it! I’ve had temper tantrums and been filled with self-pity. “Why me? Why not someone else?” I’ve had all of those angry questions. But in the end, He keeps me grounded. He reminds me that I can handle it. He reminds me that His son had those very same feelings.

When I went to Israel many years ago, I saw the huge stone where Jesus had wept and prayed so fervently in the Garden of Gethsemane. Everyone was placing their hands on this stone as if they could feel His anguish. This is what makes me remember that even He asked the Father, “to take this cup of suffering from me.” In the end our Lord knew that it was not His plan He was working, but His Father’s plan. This picture of Christ’s grief is a stark reminder that He did indeed, “Suffer  all things which are common to man.” He knows my fears and my sadness. He knows my joy when I see that this suffering, is worth the end result. “looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:12)

Wow! If He could do that for me, I certainly can’t complain about my circumstances. He has chosen these things for me, “to perfect my faith.” Who cares about me more than He does?

I had to keep this in the forefront of my mind when I received a recall notice to work. I had been on a furlough for almost 3 years. Granted, the furlough was another blessing from the Lord. I had just begun to see my mom slipping more and more each day, when along came this offer to take the furlough. This couldn’t have been at a more opportune time. However, I didn’t really know that at the time.

I was really sitting on the fence with that offer, as I was a little fearful of losing an income. “How am I going to make it with no money coming in?” I asked the Lord. I wasn’t sure if this was something I should do. Then He placed people in my path, that I can only describe as messengers on behalf of Him. They encouraged me to take this offer and one person, asked if he could call and speak to me. This was a few nights before the deadline for our decision. He completely encouraged me to do this as he knew my circumstances. He knew that my mother is not going to get better, but she would decline.

I decided to take the offer because of all of ‘the encouragers.’ What a great time I’ve had with my mom, my brother and my children! I took her on a road trip to Wisconsin along with my son and my brother. Though she did not know anyone, I felt rewarded in the fact that her friends and family had the chance to see her. I also didn’t feel the guilt I had before. She has been obsessed with moving back to Wisconsin. In some way I felt I was holding her hostage. This trip was a revelation to me as well. I could see that the Wisconsin she remembers only exists in her mind. She can visit anytime she chooses. My son exclaimed, “We could have driven around the block and told her she was in Wisconsin!” lol Yes, I suppose that’s true, but besides seeing Palm trees everywhere, it wouldn’t have been as effective. As I said, I felt this trip was more for my benefit and those who could see her.

The past 3 years gave me a chance to be completely involved in my son’s life, when he needed me most. I didn’t know so many things were happening until I was present every day. There were people that would have wished I would just return to work, but that was not going to happen! The Lord wanted to expose so many things to me. He knows that I am a staunch advocate for people who cannot speak for themselves, and this is the very reason I have the care of my mother and brother  and a young son.

However, had I not had some of the experiences in my own life, I would not have been as discerning. Now some of my suffering began to make sense to me. I have the ability to see things that the average person may not. I also have the strength to speak up, where most people will not. I find that my anger at such injustice overpowers any fears I may have. If I was not equipped with this righteous anger, I wouldn’t have the ability to take a stand.

Each year that the furlough was almost up; I would ask the Lord what He wanted me to do. Two times, I would receive another offer to take a year off. But this last year it has been different. This time we would receive an offer of an ‘early-out.’ Buyout offer plus benefits. Wow! This must be the answer, I thought! This was a big offer too! As I pondered this offer, I was ready to jump. Thinking that this would help me tremendously; I now heard the Lord speaking to me. “Hold on, don’t be impulsive.” As I weighed out the pros and cons of the offer, I asked the Lord to do what He has always done. To show me His will in this. To speak to me. He did and it was a surprising answer. He spoke to my spirit and He also sent people to me to give me answers. And just like always, the best plan is the most difficult!

As I began to see that this looked good on the surface, but it wasn’t really what the Lord had planned, I now wondered at how He was going to make my return to work possible. I am now mature enough in my faith that I know He will provide; but I still wanted to know how!

Now, I was most concerned with care for my mother. I can’t leave her and 24 hour nursing care is way too expensive. This would hardly make my return to work reasonable.

One day as I was praying and asking God for the answer to this dilemma, a person came to my mind. It was a woman who used to care for another elderly woman in a group my brother was a part of. My brother had a bowling group and this woman had a daughter with Down’s Syndrome. Her daughter was an excellent bowler. I had become friends with her and some of the other older ladies in the group. We used to sit and play cards together as the people bowled. You may remember an earlier post about this, “Kings in the Corner.” These women taught me many things. The woman that took care of her was a sweet, little Jamaican lady. She was so cute.

Marilyn eventually passed away, so the caregiver took care of her daughter. It was only a few years later that the daughter also died. She had a heart problem. I still have a picture of her smiling face on my bulletin board. She was full of joy and the sweetest girl. I remember at her funeral, the sister, coming up to me and saying, “You know Carrie, you and me are the same!” She was referring to the fact that she had taken care of her mother, and her sister after her mother’s passing. The caregiver lived with her and helped her take care of both of them.

As I thought of this, I thought, “I should call her and ask about Marlene! (the caregiver) She was excited when I called her. I told her that I had been called back to work and needed someone for my mom. I asked about Marlene. She said, “Wow! I can’t believeyou’re calling right now! She was caring for a woman and she just passed away about 2 weeks ago. She’s looking for someone else to care for right now.” I was so thrilled. I also knew that the was the Lord’s hand in all of this. He constantly reassures me that if He has called me to do something, then He will also provide!

It was only a few weeks later that I was back in training for 6 days. I had complete security knowing that this woman is experienced with people like my mom and she has compassion. She also knows my brother and is very experienced with special needs too. She told me that if she ever has a problem with her schedule, “her sister is her backup.” What a great thing! God not only provides our needs; He goes above and beyond what we need!

My son has proven to be a responsible and caring person from this experience as well. The other day, I messed up my own schedule and thought that I had given the information to Marlene and I did not. So of course, she wasn’t at the house. At first I thought that my printer didn’t print the trip, or she was reading the schedule wrong. I called her in a panic and she was already on her way out of town. She said, “Don’t worry. I’ll get someone to cover for me.” She did and this woman was her cousin. She was so wonderful and had also been living in the north for years taking care of an elderly woman. In the meantime, my son was able to ‘hold down the fort,’ until she arrived. He was asking me where the chucks were for my mom’s bed and I thought, “Is he really changing the bed linens?” This was just unfathomable, as he doesn’t do this in his own room! He had given my mom breakfast and helped my brother get up for school. I thought, this kind of responsibility is good for him and he will never regret the things he did for his grandma.

So now I’m thanking the Lord for all He has done and is doing to grow us. In the midst of the chaos of my life. I see His hand reaching through and holding me as I walk through all the storms. I’m grateful for the people that He sends to me to encourage me and give me wisdom for decisions. He removes those who have tried to bring me harm and continues to reveal His plans for me as I roll everything over to His ultimate will.

I think that my first layover was when it hit me; hey I don’t think I’ve had time to relax like this in years! Now I can understand the benefits to this decision. I felt refreshed for the first time in a very long time. I’m so appreciative of this time I’ve had with my family but also my ‘alone time,’ now. I also want to thank you people who have been a part of this journey with me. I am touched that those of you (and some complete strangers) have helped me through the most difficult times. I know who you are; and I know who has sent you! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!

The New Age Isn’t New

Welcome to my video blog

 

Happy Mother’s and Son Day!

Grandma and her grandchildren

I had to share this story once again. It makes me laugh every time I think of it and I know the Lord has certainly used this to reveal things to me.

A few years back, when my son was about 8 years old, we went somewhere for Mother’s Day. I had asked him to do me a favor and his response was a simple, “No.” I was shocked as I pointed out, “Hey, it’s Mother’s Day!” Thinking I would get some kind of a guilt response, but it didn’t happen that way. My son, without missing a beat, said, “It’s also Son day!”

Wow, was this quick on the draw or what? I wondered at how long he had spent thinking about this. So witty, yet his ability to rob all attention away for himself, was uncanny. I had to laugh and I also remembered something from scripture.

Today, I shared this with others at church. It seems so appropriate, as my son was sitting a few rows back and he hates having the spotlight on him in a group situation. I know, it’s odd, given the fact that he appears to be rather narcissistic.

But, I spoke about the fact that this little nugget was something that had always touched me in scripture. In the last moments of our Lords life on this earth. There He was, hanging on a cross. As His mother looked at His poor battered and bruised body. I can’t bear the thought, as I think of my own son and just the little bumps and bruises, he’s suffered in his life. I always hurt to see my own children hurting. Whether it is an emotional or physical hurt. Most mother’s cannot help but feel the pain.

In John 19:26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman, here is your son.” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, the disciple took her into his home.”

I pointed out that, John,” the one whom Jesus loved,” really means favored. As it is believed that John was only about 14, when he began to follow Jesus. A young boy of great faith, and this is something which our Lord always marveled at. People with faith. This was the difference between him and the other disciples. At times they questioned, and their faith wavered. But John was totally devoted.

Now, when I look out at my son and see him sitting there, I’m thinking of this young man and how Jesus must have felt. A special place in His heart for this love and trust, which John had placed in Him. Why wouldn’t the Lord trust him to take His mother in and care for her, all the rest of her days?

Then, I think about the words and how odd they seem to be at point in time. It is almost strange until you observe closely. It seems to be interjected in His dying process, as if He was saying something mundane, like, “Oh hey, don’t forget the potluck dinner next week. Wish I could come, but hey, John would you mind taking my mom?”

We know from reading God’s Word, that nothing is unintentional and it all has great significance to us. As I sat thinking about this, I realized that our Lord wanted us to see how we are related to one another. The true family of God. It is not birthed by human flesh. It is the spiritual birth which our Lord spoke about when Nicodemus had come to Him. Being born again, of His Spirit, is when we are transferred from the family of flesh, to the spiritual family.

He revealed that this can only happen, when we are standing at the foot of the cross in total surrender and accepting the sacrifice of His blood. Having done this, makes all of us family. We care for one another all the days of our lives. We pray for each other and love and support one another in all things. This we do, because we belong to Him.

So in the end, my son was right. Not only is it, Mother’s Day….it is also Son Day! Thank you Lord for making us family!

Evesdropping on Mom

 Getting a pedicure[/caption

Every day brings a new revelation with my mom. I took her to her doctor to find out why she’s losing weight. I have had two blood tests, and now another one.
Next week she will get a CT scan. Nothing seems to stay in her system. She can only eat very small portions of food, and she doesn’t drink enough.
I leave a cup of juice at all times and snacks for her, but she doesn’t touch it unless I tell her. I’m careful not to push her too much, as she will then eat more than she can hold in her little tummy.
I’m a t a loss. Even making her milk shakes with Ensure, is too dense for her. She drinks a couple sips, and she’s full.
The only time I’ve ever seen her this small was when I was very young and she’d had a nervous breakdown. She lost so much weight and at that time, she was only 86 pounds.

She’s not depressed, nor does she feel sick. Unless she overeats. But I’m constantly trying to find new ways to help her.
She has now accepted the fact that she cannot move back to Wisconsin until she gets the weight back on and her blood pressure stable. At least this is what I’ve told her, and she feels she needs an excuse for her not being able to return.
Every season she says, “Oh, I’d move back but there’s too much snow!” Or, “I’d move back but it’s getting too hot now!” I’m prepared now, for what her excuse will be. I once called her bluff when she was fighting with me about her move back. “Go ahead,” I said. I waited and she was so perplexed that I wasn’t saying no, to her. She sat for a minute and said, “Well I can’t yet. It’s too cold.”
“Ok,” I said. “Tell me when you want to go, and I’ll help you.” I realized I had crossed over to the right side. No more pushing or pulling the weight. I just went along with it, and I could see this was all she wanted.

Yesterday she was sitting and watching her show, when out of the blue she said, Oh Carrie is up in Milwaukee. When I move there, I’ll call her and she’ll help me.”
I got that familiar stab in my heart, that I felt, the first time I realized she doesn’t know that I’m her daughter, Carrie.
I felt tears fill my eyes, as I tried to look away and asked her, “Have you heard from Carrie?” She said, “No, but she’s very busy.”
This hurt me. I can’t imagine a son or daughter not communicating for as long, as she thinks Carrie hasn’t called her.
“Then how do you know she’s in Milwaukee?” I ask. “Oh, I know. Her brother, Craig keeps in touch with her.”
I said, “I’m sure she loves you very much, even though you haven’t heard from her.”
“Oh, of course she does!” She says. Very proud and smiling as she seems to speak something that is a known fact.
“She’s off work right now.”
This is where I’m confused in my understanding of this disease. How does she connect the thought that I am, indeed off work, to care for her, and yet she doesn’t understand that I am the person she speaks of?
I long to help her understand that her daughter loves her and I feel a need to convince her that, her daughter wants to talk to her.
“Carrie loves her brother Kevin so much! She always listens to him when he talks and does so much for him.”
Here again, I’m totally perplexed. As my brother Kevin lives here too.
“She has a very big heart!” She says.

Now I’m finding this difficult. I’m stuck between my wish to let her know how special she is to, Carrie, and not brag about myself.
“She sounds like she does. She’s a Christian isn’t she?”
“Oh, yes! She always talks about God!”
“Well, then I’m sure that when she thinks of you, she is praying for you because she loves you so much.”
“I’m sure she is!
I tell her that Carrie sounds as if she kind of managed problems in the family and she agrees. She told me, she called on Carrie when there was a problem. She then said, “She’s so sweet and loving.”
I don’t think she’s ever said that to me.
I tell her that when I talk to Craig, I will make sure he tells Carrie to call her.
“Oh, yes, that would be great! I miss her!”

Now, I leave the room because I’m beginning to cry. My sweet mom, now accepts the fact that her children love her so much, yet this, Carrie cannot even call her mom?
Oh, I’m so mad at myself! What is wrong with me?
I called my son downstairs and shared this conversation.
I said, “It looks as if I’m going to have to make a phone call to grandma. Knowing that she has this respect for, ‘Carrie’s advice, I may be able to take advantage of this.
He reminded me of his call, pretending that he was her doctor and said, “Yes, she will love that. She won’t even know.”
The best part is that she will experience the joy of the love from her real daughter, instead of the imposter living with her now!
I must admit, it is humorous when I think about the whole thing.
Most people pretend to be something they’re not in this life.
I am faced with this peculiar task of pretending that I’m me! Hope I can pull this off!