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Happy Mother’s and Son Day!


Grandma and her grandchildren

Grandma and her grandchildren

I had to share this story once again. It makes me laugh every time I think of it and I know the Lord has certainly used this to reveal things to me.

A few years back, when my son was about 8 years old, we went somewhere for Mother’s Day. I had asked him to do me a favor and his response was a simple, “No.” I was shocked as I pointed out, “Hey, it’s Mother’s Day!” Thinking I would get some kind of a guilt response, but it didn’t happen that way. My son, without missing a beat, said, “It’s also Son day!”

Wow, was this quick on the draw or what? I wondered at how long he had spent thinking about this. So witty, yet his ability to rob all attention away for himself, was uncanny. I had to laugh and I also remembered something from scripture.

Today, I shared this with others at church. It seems so appropriate, as my son was sitting a few rows back and he hates having the spotlight on him in a group situation. I know, it’s odd, given the fact that he appears to be rather narcissistic.

But, I spoke about the fact that this little nugget was something that had always touched me in scripture. In the last moments of our Lords life on this earth. There He was, hanging on a cross. As His mother looked at His poor battered and bruised body. I can’t bear the thought, as I think of my own son and just the little bumps and bruises, he’s suffered in his life. I always hurt to see my own children hurting. Whether it is an emotional or physical hurt. Most mother’s cannot help but feel the pain.

In John 19:26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, “Woman, here is your son.” and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, the disciple took her into his home.”

I pointed out that, John,” the one whom Jesus loved,” really means favored. As it is believed that John was only about 14, when he began to follow Jesus. A young boy of great faith, and this is something which our Lord always marveled at. People with faith. This was the difference between him and the other disciples. At times they questioned, and their faith wavered. But John was totally devoted.

Now, when I look out at my son and see him sitting there, I’m thinking of this young man and how Jesus must have felt. A special place in His heart for this love and trust, which John had placed in Him. Why wouldn’t the Lord trust him to take His mother in and care for her, all the rest of her days?

Then, I think about the words and how odd they seem to be at point in time. It is almost strange until you observe closely. It seems to be interjected in His dying process, as if He was saying something mundane, like, “Oh hey, don’t forget the potluck dinner next week. Wish I could come, but hey, John would you mind taking my mom?”

We know from reading God’s Word, that nothing is unintentional and it all has great significance to us. As I sat thinking about this, I realized that our Lord wanted us to see how we are related to one another. The true family of God. It is not birthed by human flesh. It is the spiritual birth which our Lord spoke about when Nicodemus had come to Him. Being born again, of His Spirit, is when we are transferred from the family of flesh, to the spiritual family.

He revealed that this can only happen, when we are standing at the foot of the cross in total surrender and accepting the sacrifice of His blood. Having done this, makes all of us family. We care for one another all the days of our lives. We pray for each other and love and support one another in all things. This we do, because we belong to Him.

So in the end, my son was right. Not only is it, Mother’s Day….it is also Son Day! Thank you Lord for making us family!

Evesdropping on Mom


Getting a pedicure Getting a pedicure[/caption

Every day brings a new revelation with my mom. I took her to her doctor to find out why she’s losing weight. I have had two blood tests, and now another one.
Next week she will get a CT scan. Nothing seems to stay in her system. She can only eat very small portions of food, and she doesn’t drink enough.
I leave a cup of juice at all times and snacks for her, but she doesn’t touch it unless I tell her. I’m careful not to push her too much, as she will then eat more than she can hold in her little tummy.
I’m a t a loss. Even making her milk shakes with Ensure, is too dense for her. She drinks a couple sips, and she’s full.
The only time I’ve ever seen her this small was when I was very young and she’d had a nervous breakdown. She lost so much weight and at that time, she was only 86 pounds.

She’s not depressed, nor does she feel sick. Unless she overeats. But I’m constantly trying to find new ways to help her.
She has now accepted the fact that she cannot move back to Wisconsin until she gets the weight back on and her blood pressure stable. At least this is what I’ve told her, and she feels she needs an excuse for her not being able to return.
Every season she says, “Oh, I’d move back but there’s too much snow!” Or, “I’d move back but it’s getting too hot now!” I’m prepared now, for what her excuse will be. I once called her bluff when she was fighting with me about her move back. “Go ahead,” I said. I waited and she was so perplexed that I wasn’t saying no, to her. She sat for a minute and said, “Well I can’t yet. It’s too cold.”
“Ok,” I said. “Tell me when you want to go, and I’ll help you.” I realized I had crossed over to the right side. No more pushing or pulling the weight. I just went along with it, and I could see this was all she wanted.

Yesterday she was sitting and watching her show, when out of the blue she said, Oh Carrie is up in Milwaukee. When I move there, I’ll call her and she’ll help me.”
I got that familiar stab in my heart, that I felt, the first time I realized she doesn’t know that I’m her daughter, Carrie.
I felt tears fill my eyes, as I tried to look away and asked her, “Have you heard from Carrie?” She said, “No, but she’s very busy.”
This hurt me. I can’t imagine a son or daughter not communicating for as long, as she thinks Carrie hasn’t called her.
“Then how do you know she’s in Milwaukee?” I ask. “Oh, I know. Her brother, Craig keeps in touch with her.”
I said, “I’m sure she loves you very much, even though you haven’t heard from her.”
“Oh, of course she does!” She says. Very proud and smiling as she seems to speak something that is a known fact.
“She’s off work right now.”
This is where I’m confused in my understanding of this disease. How does she connect the thought that I am, indeed off work, to care for her, and yet she doesn’t understand that I am the person she speaks of?
I long to help her understand that her daughter loves her and I feel a need to convince her that, her daughter wants to talk to her.
“Carrie loves her brother Kevin so much! She always listens to him when he talks and does so much for him.”
Here again, I’m totally perplexed. As my brother Kevin lives here too.
“She has a very big heart!” She says.

Now I’m finding this difficult. I’m stuck between my wish to let her know how special she is to, Carrie, and not brag about myself.
“She sounds like she does. She’s a Christian isn’t she?”
“Oh, yes! She always talks about God!”
“Well, then I’m sure that when she thinks of you, she is praying for you because she loves you so much.”
“I’m sure she is!
I tell her that Carrie sounds as if she kind of managed problems in the family and she agrees. She told me, she called on Carrie when there was a problem. She then said, “She’s so sweet and loving.”
I don’t think she’s ever said that to me.
I tell her that when I talk to Craig, I will make sure he tells Carrie to call her.
“Oh, yes, that would be great! I miss her!”

Now, I leave the room because I’m beginning to cry. My sweet mom, now accepts the fact that her children love her so much, yet this, Carrie cannot even call her mom?
Oh, I’m so mad at myself! What is wrong with me?
I called my son downstairs and shared this conversation.
I said, “It looks as if I’m going to have to make a phone call to grandma. Knowing that she has this respect for, ‘Carrie’s advice, I may be able to take advantage of this.
He reminded me of his call, pretending that he was her doctor and said, “Yes, she will love that. She won’t even know.”
The best part is that she will experience the joy of the love from her real daughter, instead of the imposter living with her now!
I must admit, it is humorous when I think about the whole thing.
Most people pretend to be something they’re not in this life.
I am faced with this peculiar task of pretending that I’m me! Hope I can pull this off!

Don’t Worry Mom, One Day She’ll Be There!


IMAG1038These were the words my son spoke today. As he watched me having my meltdown with the people around me and their lack of courtesy with my mom.

We were at another crowded place and I had to find out that there was no way for my mom to see one of the shows unless I parked her wheelchair and walked her up three flights of stairs.

There was a wall which went around the dolphin pool and people were standing in front of it. I saw a young couple up front and next to them a woman with her Ipad, and it looked like her husband and son. Her husband held a camera.

As the dolphins cames swimming by and splashed, the group came flying back, right into my mom. I was so angry that they had been warned that water would splash them, yet they ran, as if it was a Tsunami, without any regard for those behind them.

I had my mom back up all the way against the back wall and here it comes again. This time the woman and her son, came flying back. I looked at her with a glare, as my mom was already having difficulty seeing because she was holding up her Ipad and filming. Something I’ve always thought to be incredibly stupid. First of all, why would you film something with an Ipad? Isn’t it like taking a piece of wood and holding it above your head? Never mind that the woman was already taking up too much room with her body in front of my little mom. But to also be holding up this thing? Why would you want to film a whole show which you could just watch? You have to be detached from the moment as you’re engaged in something like this.

Then, she gets her nice little perch in front of us again, and the dolphins come swimming by and she’s running back again. This time, I put my hand out, and I think I may have given her a little shove. Yep, I did it and I wasn’t feeling one bit of guilt.

I remembered back to the time we went to Disney and I had my mom in her wheelchair at the front, to see the parade. At the last minute, all these people crowded in front of her and she was looking at their backs.

Then to make it worse, they had all been sitting on the ground. But not when the parade started. No. They all had to begin standing. These are people who were in the front row! If I had a microphone I would have said, “Hey, listen all of you! If you’re sitting in the front on the ground, don’t be stupid and stand to obstruct the view of those behind you!” Yes, this would have been my announcement because some people are just to dense to figure it out.

But as I said to my son, “Let’s get grandma out of here, before I go ghetto on somebody!” I heard him say, “Don’t worry mom. One day she’ll be there.” “What?” I asked.

“One day that woman is going to be like grandma and she’ll see what it’s like.” “Wow!” I thought, my son really is sensitive.

I guess all isn’t lost. I think I’m presented with new challenges every day. I find myself wondering why something that seems to be common sense, just isn’t to some people.

But hearing my son say that, made it seem a little less irritating. So he really is learning. That is a huge consolation.Because, “One day I’ll be there.”

“Can These Dead Bones Live?”


This is the Word that kept coming to me this morning as I prayed about my loved ones. The situation looks hopeless, but the Holy Spirit reminded me of these words to Ezekiel chapter 37-when the Spirit of the Lord took him to the valley.

He asked this question when he observed the dead bones everywhere. The Lord answered him, that yes, with His power these bones would live. He told him “to prophesy over these bones.”

They immediately came together and yet, without the life in them. They were just bodies, lacking the breath to live. Now the Lord told him to prophesy once again, to the breath.

In his obedience, he did what the Lord commanded and the life came back into the bodies to resurrect them from the graves.

I realized that the Lord was reminding me to speak to these circumstances to bring life. We are created in the image of God. He breathed life into Adam. He created the heaven and earth with the spoken word. He has told us that we have the exact same power to speak with the creative breath of the Holy Spirit.

He’s told us in scripture that, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Proverbs 18:21 We hold the power of a blessing or a curse in our mouths.

After my prayers I went out to my patio. Much to my surprise I looked behind a little table where I had set an orchid last year. I was going to toss it out, as I have never had too much skill with plants. But thought better of it since moving it outdoors. It had been three little sticks. Dried up and shriveled. There was my little plant, blossoming on all three branches, with more buds to bloom! I was looking in amazement and thinking of my prayers.

The Lord reminded me that when we are ready to “toss things away, or consider something dead, He truly reveals His power. This little plant gave me the hope and and faith to “speak to those dead bones,” of trials in my life.

Yes, I will prophesy that these problems are only opportunities to speak LIFE! I speak life into my children and extended family. I speak life into my friends and coworkers. I speak life into everything that the enemy tries to convince me is dead and without hope.

He is the Resurrection and the Life and all who believe in Him shall never die, but have Life eternal!

flower1

Wrestling Against Spirits


As I prayed last night, felt restless. I couldn’t sleep. My ankle was hurting and I rested it on a pillow. How long will this continue to hurt, Lord? He took me into scriptures to remind me that our afflictions are a direct picture of things taking place in the spiritual realm.

The apostle Paul had told us that, “all things natural, speak to the eternal things of God.” I have always kept this in mind when dealing with things in my life. “What does this mean Lord? Why is this happening? He reminded me of His words to Eve and the Serpent. “I shall put enmity between you and the woman. Between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” (Genesis 3:15)

Yes, this was always interesting to me. First that women, do not carry the seed, so our Lord was already speaking future tense, to the virgin birth, of Jesus Christ. But the offspring of the serpent and the Lord would be at war. His second part of this scripture is to tell us the outcome. Although the serpent would inflict great pain, with the “striking of the heel, it is not a fatal blow. The “crushing of his head,” is the fatal blow. This happened with the crucifixion. We represent Him on this earth. So we are to walk in His power and authority.

So I know that I am constantly at war. Praying and battling the enemy. Lifting up my loved ones and coming against him in my spirit. He may be relentless, but so am I. The Lord given us instructions in this war. “Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7)

Many people interpret this to mean, ‘ignore, or turn away from temptation. But this is not the correct interpretation at all. If we look at this in the original language, the word is; anthistemi and it means; to stand against, oppose,  or withstand.

So He’s telling us we will be under attack and to stand against this onslaught. It is a military term. He had already told us that we have the covenant but the enemy of our souls is only going to take what he can. Just as in a war, the enemy tries to take the land. We must occupy and not give in. Not with ourselves, or our loved ones. We must continue to oppose him. When he sees it is not an easy target, he will flee. But note this; he will return. He will never stop trying.

We are told in scripture that, the enemy comes to rob, to kill and to destroy. But Jesus Christ comes to give life, and life abundantly.” So we know the plans the enemy has, and if we lay down and let him, he’ll take our life and the life of our loved ones. So stand firm!

I had a dream last night. My fence in the back came toppling down, like an accordion. Now I just had a new fence put up and I saw it in my dream. It was just what I had seen when the hurricane came through here one year. My whole fence just toppled inward. I ran to bolster it up again. Well, as I said, our Lord speaks to us, if we have ears to listen. In dreams, visions and through people.

Because I felt so unsettled this morning, I began to read the Psalms. I opened to Psalm 62 and I read; “How long will you assault a man? Would all of you throw him down-this leaning wall, this tottering fence? They fully intend to topple him from this lofty place; they take delight in lies. With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse. Find rest, oh my soul, in God alone.”

God confirms His words. He allowed me to search for the meaning and remind me of the warfare. He reminded me that my hope comes in the name of the Lord. I then thought of my ankle once more. He showed me that although I am in pain, my enemy has already been defeated. He told me that He has given me, All power and authority to trample the scorpions and serpents, and the mighty lion and cobra.” But He didn’t say that it wouldn’t hurt.

He also told us that” we are not wrestling against flesh and blood.” He uses this word wrestle, or ballow-to throw, (more or less violent or intense):arise, cast out, dung, lay, lie, pour, put up, send,  strike, throw down, thrust. We can see this is very serious combat, and in this part of scripture, we are also given our tools to fight this battle. (Ephesians 6)

There is war in the heaven’s, and I’m not backing down. I had a devotional with my son the other day and we were reading about the darkness and the light. We cannot, “throw out darkness.” We can only let the light in, to combat darkness. This is what I see so many people trying to do. On their own strength, they try to battle against the darkness. They try to be good enough on their own merits. It’s impossible. He tells us that “It is not by might nor power, but by His Spirit, that we overcome. We can only surrender to Him, the Light of the World, in order to drive out the darkness. This is what our redemption means. It is not only salvation but deliverance.

So, I stand firm and resist the enemy. I stand for myself and everyone the Lord has in my life. I know what a mess I was until I let His light come in. I’ve been redeemed.

Dr Jesus Please Heal Me


Today was a hard day. They begin to blend together. One heartache after another. I find myself going off to cry quietly.
Because the flu is going around, it’s easy to pretend I have a touch of something.
My son is home educated, so I don’t have the benefit of hiding.

I’ve had sadness with my daughter. She seems like she’s slipping away from me. I feel as if I’m holding on by a thread.
I committed to pray for my children, and her especially. I told the Lord each morning as I ran on my treadmill, I would commit myself to fervent prayer.
Asking Him to “bring my daughter back from captivity. To do “whatever it takes.” Knowing perfectly well, that God hears me, and I probably won’t like the suffering involved. But I also know it’s my love for her and my responsibility for her soul, that causes me to plead with Him.

I received a sign from Him. Her life is beginning to unravel, and I ended up going to the doctor. I sprained my ankle. Yes, that’s right, on the treadmill.
Never remembering how I twisted it or turned it. I was in pain. I realized that I had been running so hard and pushing myself physically, but also spiritually.
Crying out in anguish and now my ankle is a constant reminder of her. My little girl.

Dealing with my mother is difficult as well. I received a call from the senior facility to ask me if she was going to be coming. They said that they have a spot for her but she would lose it if she doesn’t come.
She went twice, and then adamantly refused to go any more.
I was trying to brainstorm with the administrator, when I remembered how she had responded to her doctor after refusing to take her medication. I told her that I had the idea to tell him, “if he would tell her to take them, she would listen.”
It worked like a charm. He simply looked at her and said, “Honey, listen. You have to take your medicine for me, okay?” She looked at him and said, “Okay, until I go back to Wisconsin, I will.”
The doctor and I both looked at each other and smiled.

When I told the woman this, she said, “Maybe you should try that and have some male pretend to be  her doctor or something.” I said, “Yes, I think I can come up with something.”
I went to my son, and asked him to be the doctor. He was going to have a script which I would make for him and he would call my phone. I would give the phone to her and take it from there.
As I handed him the script, I had to make a few corrections-“oh, have to change that,” I said. It said, “Your daughter,” and she no longer recognizes that I’m her daughter.

I told her that her doctor had called and he would be calling back. “What is it about?” She asked. “Oh, I don’t know. He said he had something to speak with you about. “Oh, I hope I don’t have to go and see him,” she said.
As my son was coming down the stairs with his script and his phone he said, “Oh, I should get time for this under ‘Extra Curricular Activity, called conning the elderly!” At this I started laughing and could barely contain myself as I listened to him calling my phone.

Because I was in the threshold, I could hear his voice in the living room and on my phone. I really had to work hard to suppress a laugh, as I handed the phone to my mom. I looked and also noticed his picture coming up on the phone so, I carefully handed it to her. She had a hard time holding “these new phones,” anyway, so I stuck it up to her ear. “It’s your doctor,” I said.
“Oh!” She sounded excited. As I listened to him carefully reciting the words, I couldn’t help but think how ingenious this seemed. I even put references about her move to Wisconsin.”
“Yes, I noticed that your blood pressure is pretty high, on the tests I have.” The doctor said. “I understand you are planning to move back to Wisconsin and before you do this, we need a plan to get you healthy. I am authorizing one day a week at a center for you to speak with a nutritionist and get some exercise.”
I heard her say, “Oh yes, but I can’t move back yet. I have to wait until it’s warm.”
Now in a normal conversation, Dr. so-and-so would respond to that. But my son, not willing to deviate from the script, continued as if he was an automated phone message.
It did surprise me, however, to know that she really doesn’t want to go as much as she pretends.
At the end of the message he asked to speak to me. As I took the phone I continued on as if he was giving me more instructions. My son just making sounds once in a while.
After I hung up, my mom said, “I like that doctor. He’s so nice!”
I told her that this would be a day available to her to give her the physical and nutritional help to get her strong.
She was actually excited about this.
I called the administrator back and told her what we did. She laughed so hard and said, “And the Academy Award goes to….”

Later, as I was speaking about my grief at the situation with my daughter, my mother said, “It has to be so hard. You love her so much. She’s your daughter. I think that would be so hard, if I had to deal with that with my daughter.”
“Yes,” I thought. It would be hard. But the fortunate thing is that, she has dealt with many heartaches, including these with her daughter. She just doesn’t know it.
She looked so sweet again, as she said, “It will be okay. She’s a good girl.” I remembered her saying that all my life. Every time there was a crisis.”It will be okay.”

I thought of my daughter when she was young. She started getting warts on her feet. My stepson had them on his hands and they are very contagious. When he showed her the surgery he had to remove them, she was terrified.
I made a comment that, “I’ll have to take her to the doctor.” When she heard this she screamed. “No! Please mommy! I want Dr. Jesus to heal them!” She was crying at the thought of someone cutting her. She was so young. About 4 or 5. I felt so convicted at her words.
“Wow,” I thought. I haven’t even prayed about this. So I asked her if she really believed He could heal her. “Yes,” she said. “Okay, we’re going to pray.”
I put some oil on her feet as I prayed along with her.
The very next day, I noticed a miraculous thing, which had me rubbing my own eyes in bewilderment. It looked like little chalk specks on her feet. Every place which had a wart, or one just starting, just turned to powder. I began touching those little feet, and saw them drop off! I was amazed. But I remembered the Lord’s words, that “it is your faith which make you whole.”
My pastor commented, “If she has this kind of faith now, can you imagine what she’ll be like when she’s older?”

I keep standing on His promises for her life. I now feel the incredible pain which the Prodigal Father had felt, when his son went out of his home into darkness.
The hurt and concern attached to his well-being. I’m praying that I will also experience the joy of restoration.
With every painful step I take, I pray, Dr. Jesus please heal us!

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