Where Can I Hide From Your Spirit?


London subway bombingsBack door of our hotel

Yes, it happened and I wasn’t the only one there, although people would want everyone to think it never happened. Twelve other crew members to be exact.  We were told to walk down a street in full uniform while bombs were exploding and suffered trauma as a result of this.I was the one that fought with everyone in authority. I told them that this was insane. I was the one that was taken aside and they tried to persuade repeatedly since I was the spokesperson for the others that didn’t want to go.

Now I’m supposed to pretend it never really happened because reports were covered up. But everybody knows. My own reputation is being ruined and because I was the only one that reported it, I am being told to just be quiet and go away. But I’m not going away and neither are any of the others that were in this incident. We have all suffered as a result of this, no matter how harmless this seems to the ones that sent us into this street. Because we weren’t killed, does not mean no harm had taken place that day. We all assessed our own lives as we ran down the street and when we found out another bomb exploded, one of the pilots ran off and left us, stranded on the street.

We were terrified and as we rode on the bus knowing that there could be suicide bombers in the area, we had to wonder if we would make it to the airport. We also wondered what the whole point of the mission was, since most of the transportation was shut down and if we would indeed make it back to the states. Quite a few crew members were crying. I will never forget that day and was angry enough to file an action, but now I’m more angry to find out that this was covered up. I told the attorney that it was never about money. I wanted to tell the story so that it did not happen again. But to have this swept under the carpet and to now to be treated so bad this past year as if I’m the one that has done something wrong for taking a stand, just infuriates me.

I risked my life for a company and been threatened and harassed repeatedly.The terrorism that I had experienced that day in the streets of London was nothing compared to the terrorism that I experienced this past year since these corporate people have learned that I’ve discovered they covered up the safety reports. I have lived without money and had benefits cut and now they have tried to strip me of any dignity, because of their own lack of integrity.

I’m sorry but I thought I lived in a country where we had a constitution and it separated us from countries that operated under dictatorship. Lately I’ve been seeking justice and can find none. My union has all but disappeared. The justice system is so corrupted that it’s difficult to find anyone to pursue people just for the sake of integrity. So the average citizen’s pursuit of any kind of life,liberty and justice, is pretty much a myth, However, when the Lord decides it’s time, it will all implode, and believe me, it’s coming soon.

“Since the time of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of God has suffered violence, but the violent shall take it by force.” (Matthew 11:12) The believers are not called to maintain the kingdom until the return of the Lord, but to advance the kindgom and we do this by upholding truth and righteousness. It is not easy or comfortable. It’s not convenient. I remember a pastor of mine telling me that if you are comfortable in the Lord, you’re in a dangerous place. You should be in the battle.” Of course he was talking about the spiritual battle, not a physical battle. People would rather not speak up and say anything to rock to boat. It’s easier to just follow the rest of the sheep. But the Lord also says, “there is a way that seems right to a man, but it leads to destruction.

I am confident that the Lord will expose all of these deeds in due time. No man can hide from His spirit. (Psalm139:7)

The Sword of the Spirit


We don't war against flesh and blood!

We don't war against flesh and blood!

My brother and I were talking about the difference between the times that we had grown up and now. All the bloodshed today.  We grew up in rough neighborhoods too, but we knew how to handle ourselves. It was mostly a intimidation factor. People standing in the middle of the sidewalk and refusing to move. You were to cut right through the middle if you were bold enough. I was.

I had lived in a project for the majority of my life and taken it for granted. It was the loss of my father and our house when I was only five. Then the death of my baby brother and my mothers breakdown that left us in the care of her sisters. They in turn, placed us into a children’s home and we were all separated from each other. All of these events shaped us. They forced a toughness in us. My oldest brother, who is mentally challenged, was then placed into a home and that was the final separation. I was the next oldest, so I had to accept the fact that I was to curl up and die, or accept adult responsibilities at a very young age.

It was at this age that I started to experience supernatural strength. Something above and beyond the natural and a voice that started to speak to me. Arms wrapping around me in comfort and shielding me from the horrors that were all around me. I was to continue to experience one trauma after another, yet, I still heard Him speaking and He would let me know that He was with me. There was a purpose for it all.

I remembered sitting on the busy street in front of our little brown brick home with my best friend, Romaine. She was black. We watched the army tanks rolling down the streets in preparation for the race riots in Milwaukee and had no idea what was taking place. All we knew was that we were best friends. She told me, “girl, you need to get you some soul!” She taught me every dance that a black girl knew how to dance. The Popcorn, the Mother Popcorn. The Chicken, Funky Chicken, the Hesitation, the Meditation,Mashed Potato, and she was solely responsible for teaching me everything Motown. We would sit for hours and listen to everything that Motown had to offer. Romaine did not live in the project, but a very nice house across the creek. She would only come and visit me. I was a kind of combination of soul and hippie. I loved Bob Dylan and Motown. His song , Blowin In the Wind, was in full swing and so was all the great hits by James Brown and Stevie Wonder.

I had another, white girlfriend, Kathy, and she sounded like a black girl. She would hang out with us sometimes. She lived directly across from me in my court in the project. The first day I met her, I gave her a black eye. I threw a rock at her and had to go and apologize. We became good  friends after that. I guess I earned some respect. lol I didn’t know that at the time, I was just showing off, after all, I was just a little girl. I was sitting on a dumpster with another little girl and being edged on, with rock in hand by a malicious voice next to me, I clearly was not thinking . I had the advantage and this girl must have been jealous, so I took my shot and bingo! The rock hit its target. Geesh! I could have taken  poor Kathy’s eye! I didn’t even know her and to the other girls delight, I blackened it immediately! Of course the other girl claimed I was just horrible! At any rate, it didn’t work it’s poison for long, as I said, we became fast friends.

All the boys loved her because she developed early. She had soul and she could dance. I finally was learning how to dance and it wasn’t too long that my friend Romaine was not embarrassed that she could present her prodigy to her black friends as an official “soul sister.”

Now when I finally moved to a house and it was in the inner city, there was a group of girls  that would start to walk around my home and call me out. It was funny to me, because one of them was a white girl and the others were black. This was a territorial rite of passage. They assumed I was intimidated, however, they had no idea that I had grown up in a project and had been fighting for years. I didn’t walk away from fights and sure didn’t cross over to the other side of the street when I saw a group of girls hanging out.

These girls came around every day with their chants. “Oh Carrie, come on out!” I would just laugh. I was watching and waiting. I knew sooner or later we would see each other, but it wasn’t going to be like this. You don’t just walk into a group. It would be at my choosing, not theirs.

One day, I was returning from the store and I saw the group. There they were standing on a corner. Much bigger than the small group that circled my house and I thought. I’m not crossing the street and I will take the girl that keeps calling out my name. She’s the one that seems to have the problem and I’m getting tired of her tirade. Then if the other two want a go at it, they will be next. Her name was Stacey. She was cute. I came walking up the street and as I approached they started with me and I looked at her and said, “you wanna start, cuz I’m ready to knock the mess out of you!” At this her eyes were as big as they could get and I pushed her back. When the other girls heard me speak for the first time they realized, I didn’t sound like a scared white girl that was going to back down. I know this is funny now, but this is how we talked back in the 70’s. lol Yes, we were called “white hunky’s and we didn’t care! Those were the days. We fought with our fists and we had mixed neighborhoods. Of course, mine was way more black than white, but we did have a lot of fun. And after I established that I had moved  in from the projects, I was now accepted. Now even esteemed. I was hanging out with these girls and we all had fun and talked about that day on the street when I was about to kick Stacey’s a**.

A few years later, I was in an alley with my brother and his friends. He was telling his wife the story about a gang of girls that had come after me. I had pulled a pliers out of my back pocket and they took off running. I said, “yea, what was I doing with pliers in my pocket anyways?” He said, I don’t know but all my friends thought that was hot!” We cracked up at that!

Now that I’m older and Christ has reminded me of that toughness in me, I look back at all of the things that I have experienced. I remember my brother and I hopping trains together. The first time I learned how to do it, I wore all white. I somehow knew I would not get a speck of dirt on me. It’s just hilarious when I think of the picture I must have been. I never fit the mold. I was like the model, learning how to jump a train. I remembered my brother telling me, “now look, you have to have your feet running before you hit the ground or you are going to slide and fall.” Ok, I thought, that sounds easy enough.” As I jumped up and grabbed the rails, it was so exhilarating. The train started speeding up and going faster and faster. I was so excited as I was riding along. He had told me, “jump off before it picks up too much speed or you’ll be in the next county!” I started to get scared, so I thought, this is time to make my jump. I watched the ground and got my feet in motion as if I was running. Closer and closer to the ground, as if my feet were running and I remembered they were running along as I gently touched down. I was feeling as if I was accomplishing something that very few people in a lifetime could ever say they did! Rather like skydiving. We also would climb to the top of grain cars and go into them. It was an incredible experience. you would feel like you were in a bounce house, but the grain would be like quicksand. Of course we heard the stories of kids that had been buried alive in this stuff. That only it more intriguing to us.  We would get the M80’s from the caboose and put them on the tracks and unhitch the cars and push them over them to watch them explode. Now I know you wonder what fun this could be, but this is what poor kids did. We would find all kinds of things in our neighborhoods that rich kids didn’t have and our friends didn’t have and it amazed us that they all wanted to come over to our neighborhoods to visit. It may be the tough factor that intrigued them.

We had friends that came from the suburbs that had wanted to hang out just to come to the tracks with us. One was my girlfriend, the pastors daughter. Her and I had gotten into so much trouble, because we had all gone to the railroad tracks that night and gotten taught her how to hop a train. Then we had gotten chased by a security guard with a gun. What a thrill that was! We had stayed out all night and when the cops had chased us, she had hidden under the mud flaps of a truck and I had hidden in the back yard of someones house. Her mother had called my mother and we had gotten in a lot of trouble, but man, the stories we had last a lifetime! Especially since I watched as the cops walked right by her hiding under those mud flaps. That was one of the funniest things I’d ever seen. For a pastors kid, it doesn’t get any more exciting than that! She’s now in the military and thanks me for introducing her to the most thrilling moments of her life! haha! Well the Lord is the one that protected us. I have to thank Him for surrounding us in our foolishness!

Now, I know that I do not war against flesh and blood but against powers and principalities. I am always reminded of this very thing when dealing with these spirits. I was at these very same railroad tracks when a very evil boy from our neighborhood tried to rape me. In broad daylight, he grabbed me. My brother and his friend were with me, but they were so terrified of this guy. We called him Scarface. He terrorized the neighborhood. He once beat this boy so bad on the street that he stomped on him until he went into convulsions. Here he was this day and he had grabbed me. He started to molest me and told my brother and his friend to leave immediately. He started to scream at them. We didn’t have cell phones back then and I was terrified. Nothing around but what I thought were empty warehouses. As my brother and his friend looked at this guy with fear, and started backing away, I hear a voice from far away scream, “Get your hands off of her, right now!!!” It was like an angel spoke from heaven. I looked and saw a man running from far away! He was coming closer. At the sight of this man running, this guy took his hands off of me and started to run. I saw a man coming and I couldn’t wait. I just wanted to run home. I took off running. I ran all the way home and never looked back. I always wished that I would have thanked this man, but for all I know he was another angel dispatched from heaven.

Years later, my mother was attacked in our home. I arrived home right after this happened and I was so distraught. I made her move and I slept with a knife under my pillow. Furious at the thought. She told me that this man went into my room and I sensed that it was this same guy. I would pray that this guy would return so that I could give him his final curtain call. But the Lord would not have that. He reminded me that He would deal with him.

This man was evil beyond description. He was sent from the pit of hell and the Lord reminded me that this was not a human battle. So a knife would not be a way of battling this, but we wage warfare with our prayers. These are wicked spirits. To see this man do this to this poor boy in the middle of the street and then to my mother, made me ill. I’ve seen other spirits like this at work. Now I know, it’s not a pliers in my pocket, nor a knife under my pillow. It is the sword of the spirit, which is the WORD of GOD, which is going to defeat all the power of the enemy!

Each time we speak the word, he is a defeated foe. He hates it when we know the word, but he hates it even more when we speak it!

So now, this is how I fight against the wiles of the enemy! Make Gods words your words. Learn them and speak them!

The Dream(A Family Held Captive)Part Three


when will freedom be restored?

“There are two brothers, one fits into the sancutary feeling safe and hidden, the other too big to make it through the door.” This indicates that these are men acting together, such as ‘brother’s in crime,’ spiritual brother’s, not biological brothers. As I said in my earlier post, they are at the very top, (kings) by the symbol of gold, which is the head of the company they rule. They have a relationship of collusion and darkness, that is not one of integrity, because it speaks of one of the brother’s trying to “fit into the sanctuary feeling safe and hidden.” It isn’t a natural fit, but one of forced entry. He’s hiding in the sanctuary as if he is a Godly man, however, as we all know, even Adam could not fool God. He knew when He had sinned and he was naked. He also tried to cover himself. This is why we are told to “come clean.”

The other brother was “too big to make it through the door. The scene looks like Alice in Wonderland and not wlling to leave the other behind, they both get captured together.” One seems too full of pride and believes he is so successful, he has no need of God. His lust for the material and power has overwhelmed his spiritual understanding of who God is and what God has done for him. The smaller brother had at one time tried to get out of this corruption it seems, but because of his loyalty to his brother and his longing for what this world has to offer, he was overwhelmed by this corrupton.”They were captured together.

“Later, one escapes prison.” This indicates the prison of lies, greed and power. They are the snare of the enemy. Satan uses them to deceive us from the truth.

“What seems like years later, the other is relased from prison. The prisoner still makes the same decsions, tries to go through the alarmed exit door.” In this you can see that the men are doing the same thing that I am doing except that I have a true knowledge of the Lord. They are running from the enemy and haven’t found the truth yet. The alarms on the door, symbolize a fear of being caught. They are always afraid of being caught in their lies, however, it is only this fear that the enemy is using against them. The Lord says that “fear has to do with punishment, but perfect love casts out all fear.” He wants to set them free, not punish them. They do not yet understand Gods love and freedom in all of this. This part of the dream indicates that although the brother is released from prison, he is once again caught up in his sin.

“The other warns no!” As if he is trying to protect him, yet he may not understand the only way to freedom is truth.

I Will Trust You Lord


I carried mustard seeds around with me to remind me that all I need is this much. One seed. At times I wondered if I could stir up this much inside.

How much can I take Lord? He reminded me of all the suffering I had endured my whole life and the words my girlfriend had spoken so many years before. “You have an extremely high tolerance for pain.” Yes, I had experienced death and separation from 5 years old and through the rest of my life. Tragedy beyond description. Almost as if it were many persons lives crammed into one life. I’ve asked the Lord many times, “did you mix this thing up somehow?”Barely having a chance to breathe between segments until the next episode, yet I have enough strength to have compassion. This is the message that He gives me. I have the ability to know when others have empathy and when they have such evil hearts that they just have no love in them at all. This is the spirit that I seem to be dealing with a lot lately.

Now I seem exasperated at times and woman told me to look up this song  that ministered to me. It is the battle and yet I am a child that longs to run away when I’m wounded and cry. The enemy knows my achilies heel and he certainly seemed to find it recently. He searches and reopens the scabs of something we think has long healed. Digging deep in something that will never heal completely and burning you with it until you feel your breath leaving you. He doesn’t want to kill you…he wants to torture you.  A reminder. Reminding us of our loved ones lost or things we’ve done wrong. The Lord tells us, “he stands before the Lord night and day accusing the saints.”  We know we have an advocate in Christ, but it still hurts. This is what the enemy of your soul loves to do, because all he loves is evil. When he opens his mouth, all that comes forth are lies, mixed with just enough truth to be poison. It sickens you when you when he comes near you. He works through flesh and his fingerprints are evident in this world in the destruction he’s bringing in these last days. It’s his last party and he’s not going down without taking souls with him.

Now I’m in a battle and I think of how I have taken a stand for truth and integrity, yet am being made to appear as if I’ve done something wrong. I have run through streets with bombs exploding, been in a hotel for six days, terrified during 9/11, while my colleagues were killed, had my base closed with only so much as a letter given to us while we were on a trip and our pensions just taken away and now even my own union is pretending they don’t know anything about what happened to us. They are just trying to usher me out the door as they did my father before he took his own life. Men doctoring the computers to steal the pensions from the employees in his company and forcing them into early retirement. It was too late for my father before they exposed these people for this scam.

Everyone just turns their heads away as if they know nothing and I’m forced to pay for a membership in this club. It’s the mob all over again. Isn’t that the definition of racketeering? Paying for protection from a threat that they are creating? Well I’m thinking that this is a serious crime then isn’t it? Oh no, that’s right. I’m the crazy one! Don’t take instructions from me..I never follow the masses. Remember standard procedure.

I go the narrow way, few will find it. The path that does NOT lead to destruction!!!

The Dream(A Family Held Captive)Part Two


After receiving a check from this incident I was in, I was always in fear. I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, from the events I experienced. I started to experience strange symptoms. I had no idea what was happening to me and the doctors told me that this was related to the stress. I had a trip to the same city I had experienced the event and had to stay in a hotel there after the initial incident. I thought I would try to “get back on the horse,” so to speak. I was so terrified, I wouldn’t come out of my hotel room. It was Christmas eve and even when someone knocked on my door, I was so scared, I called the front desk. I was told they were delivering cookies because it was Christmas eve. I remembered the day we all rode back to the airport when this happened to us and how scared the crew was. Some were crying. I continued communicating with one of the girls that was extremely traumatized by this event. She sent me a very sad email and was treated terribly after this event. I advocated for her and others that knew this was an injustice.

“A man gives her refuge. The man calls for help.” I had a situation that happened that was another unfair event not much later. A supervisor started to harass me about my hair color. I had been in contact with a vice president and I let him know what was going on. Then a team of supervisors ganged up on me and before I knew it the manager directed my supervisor to alter my work history and I told this man it was probably best he didn’t get involved. I thought the Lord could take care of all of this, but the reality was that I was not walking strong in the Lord at the time.

“She says my daddy knows everything, but she speaks in fear and doubt as if it is is a lie because she has not told her father her situation.”

“The dream continues, the rest of the family becomes imprisoned searching for stairways and exit doors for escape.” When I started to find out about what was really happening, my whole family was brought into this nightmare. Corruption does have an affect on everyone around you, even if you are innocent. It was making me physically ill and it was now hurting my children as well. I was being harassed by people just for having knowledge of their deeds.

“Doors sound alarms they are surprised and again ensnared. Every time repeating the same behavior expecting a different outcome, yet repeating the same way of escape.” Yes, I know what your thinking. That’s the definition of insanity. Believe me, thats how I’ve felt during this at times. But the Lord has given me a sound mind and this is how the enemy wants you to feel. And let me ask you, how sane is it for people to make a crew of uniformed crew members walk down a street while bombs are exploding? Why was I the only one to protest this legally? If I’m the one that is insane then I’ll be crazy every time you place me in that situation.The dream seems to indicate my attempts to find the right door to open up for freedom from this captivity. The captivity of what? Well it’s TRUTH that sets one free, and the whole problem with my situation is that the truth was covered up. I have asked the Lord and each time He reminds me of my mission and He tells me that “His grace is sufficient for me.” He constantly reminds me that I am not the only one involved in this process and He has sent me to “set the captives free.” They are the blind ones. They are the ones that do not understand that they are covering themselves, yet He wants them uncovered so they can be free as well.

“Escaping once and running through the desert, finding refuge in a church.” I did escape and was in a very dry place. Just existing. Knowing that I had been traumatized, not just from that experience , but repeated experiences with these people. Harassment that is never ending from people trying to cover up their own behaviors. At times I have not even wanted to get out of my own bed. Then I finally found my refuge again. In the church with the fellowship of other believers that know what it is like to hold me up when I am too weak to hold myself up. They understand the spiritual man and that the importance is the soul. That I am the one chosen because I cannot be bought and I care more about the souls of men than anything else. Yes, the Lord will choose any means necessary to bring about His plans, however, I will not bow to the things of this world. Not when I can look into the eyes of men and see their destination is still unclear. What is more beautiful than a soul that has turned his eyes from the world to the Lord? That’s what I live for. That’s my purpose to which I have been called.My Calling is Clear

Yes, You Think I’m Like You


I faced him. He lied to me. Of course I knew he would. He thought I was like him. As I told him in the letter I sent so many years before, it wasn’t about money. It was about the principal.

I knew what they had done. It was all covered up. Our lives accounted for nothing. It was just money in their pockets. Signatures on a paper. Predated papers and   it wasn’t fooling me and I certainly had the papers to prove that it wouldn’t fool a court. But I had not intention of suing this man. I had already heard from the Lord this morning when I woke up.

He said, “go to this man and speak to him directly.Give him his chance to speak. In this he will have his chance to speak. He will not be honest but he was not the only guilty party in this.”
When someone has offended you, go to that person and tell them what they have done.I wasn’t sure if this man really knew what had happened. Perhaps he hadn’t understood the magnitude of my trauma and the part he played in this nightmare.

 Well, of course, this person, did not admit to any wrongdoing. I knew this would probably be the outcome. But because I have all the records and yet have not reported anything. I have taken the punishment just for knowing about this incident.

I trust in the Lord to bring all of us through this. I know that these people are part of the dream and they will be redeemed. I’m praying for them to be released from the prison they are in. This is the reason they are punishing me.

The Dream(A Family Held Captive) Part One


I will start with just the first part of the interpretation that was given to me so that it can be understood. I was astounded when the Lord finally revealed this to me. He did not show me this part until a few months ago and it all fit together with the people involved.

I am the woman. I am standing in the bathroom and someone comes in to hand me a check. The symbolic is clear with this part of the dream.

I was involved in filing an action and the people involved were so paranoid because they had done something unethical that they invaded my most personal life to watch me as they thought I had known what they had done.

The two gold chains, refers to jewelry also accessories.The fact that  they are chains indicates that they have many links and many people are involved. Chains involve slavery or bondage. Everyone is yoked together in this. Some by choice, others by deception.

 Makeup also refers to coverup.The iterpretation here is;accessories to a coverup. Since there are two and they are gold, this indicates that it is reserved for the wealth of kings or the head . God always holds the highest accountable. Man always tries to hold the lowest accountable. As in throwing them under the bus. Hiding, just like Adam did in the garden.

  Because they were in my hands, the Lord indicates that I have knowledge of this. He has exposed this to me and placed this in my hands.

Because this is spiritual and it has been done treacherously, the Lord will not allow me to be taken advantage of. He does not allow his servants to suffer harm. In the most supernatural way He opened this up for scrutiny once again. You cannot hide from God’s spirit.Although man continues to hide, the truth cannot be extinguished. God will expose it. It is best to just let Him do it and stop running. His purposes are always for our best anyways.

I will continue this in my next post, however it is amazing to see that my friend gave me this dream in 2001.

When I feel afraid, I read the dream and am reminded of who is really in control and how it ends. “All things work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.”