Ode To the Flight Attendants Bill of Rights



It was Christmas and  all through the night, the cooking the cleaning to make everything bright.
Now, the day has arrived but because I am flight crew, I can’t just, ‘sit down’, I must call, Jet Blue!
Yes, that’s right, this is Christmas, but I must not forget! Naughty or Nice, matter’s not, I Must be on this list!
I have a trip the next day and I cannot be late. This is the one thing, that  Scrooge,will not tolerate!
How did I do it? I wonder sometimes? I must have some angels working overtime.
On a perfect eve, I would have checked in, in advance. Drat, it didn’t work.
I won’t leave this to chance.
I was taking my friend home and the decision was made, I would swing by the airport and check in that day.
I arrive at the counter and empty it was. I was listening to the agents, as they quietly, ‘buzzed.’
“They’re canceling flights, for this terrible storm. It’s Big, It’s Ferocious, It isn’t the Norm!”
Hmmm, As, I spoke with the agent, I inquired, “Could this really be true? An airline so consistent, to cancel all flights as Jet Blue?”
“Oh, yes, she assured me, tis true!”

“Well, then there is only one answer, for me,” A storm, such as this, to cause such a fright. There’s nothing to do, but to go out tonight!”
I went back to my home and all through my fortress, the calmness and comfort, was now under duress!
Oh, do you think Mr. Scrooge knows what we do? No, and even if he did, he doesn’t care! Boo-hoo!
I finally made sure all the left-overs were packed up with care. Making sure my family was taken care of, while I wasn’t there.
Once again, I returned to the airport and found, nothing was happening, it seemed not a sound.
It was hard to believe, that this talk could be real.  I wondered to myself,what is the big deal?
I got on my flight with no fan fare at all. Wide open. But I was glad the next morning, that I heeded the call.
The flights started canceling early that morning, and I was sure glad,that I heard that dire warning.
Now I was working my flight, and we taxi ‘d out twice. Thank God, I said, for that Passenger’s Bill of Rights.
 I saw that snow, falling hard and sticking, and I sure wasn’t liking it while that clock was ticking.
The runways, closed, all but one; and it happened to be our flight, and I was praying for “Done.!”
We just happened to be flying with “St.Nick,” on that flight. I told him in briefing he was our bright light!
I offered my work to our “Scrooge Desk,” while there. They told me, “No worries, we’ll just use our 35 spares!”
What 35 spares? May I ask? 
New York is declared a “State of Emergency” This could be quite a task!
To tell them to come, when we are here now. This isn’t right. I’m sure they thought, I was the one who wasn’t bright.
Sure enough. Here he came. The poor guy told his story. 4 hours it had taken, from Brooklyn to get here. No excuse he been given, “he been scrooged,” not forgiven.
They have no mercy, he shlepped his bag through ice and snow. 3 busses and walking, no matter how cold.
He got there at 4, to find out his flight didn’t leave til next morning. No call given. Oh, no such warning.
Oh, yes, that’s right!!!! I jumped to my feet, and made such a clatter! My flying partners had to ask, What is the matter?
I answered, There is something missing here!!!!! The Silence is SO LOUD ITS DEAFENING!!!!!
Yes, there has one in place, for many years, and come about through many fights.
 Oh yes, there is a Santa Clause!!!!! Yes, Yes, Yes!
I told them, we’re the ones with the power to make this happen, but we must take a stand.
But it has been corrupted by those who are holding the reigns, and they are not Santa, no, they think we are slaves.
Now,  I said to my flying partners,
When you think about this, who are the only ones you haven’t heard from at all?????
 In a dire circumstances, the ones who must answer our call? Aren’t they the ones who we pay to protect us?
Now I don’t want to be so negative, but here’s the real rub, I’m going to be paying even More, for my dues in this club!
Oh yes, to maintain their position, they make all kinds of noise, with a clickety clacket.
But where I come from, we call this a Racket.
Have you guessed the answer to this riddle????
That’s right, it’s the union. The one,  which is supposed to represent its members.
It’s not Santa’s elf….not not that little. It is a magnum force,but not larger than ours.
If we stand together, we become the POWERS!
So come on, David, and Reggie, and Albert, and Mitchell.
St.Nick and Jackie, and Samantha stop bitchin! Let’s stand up let our voices be strong. Especially when it comes to the ranks of our own.
That union is inside, out. Meant to look, mean and menacing, But they’re the ones who do harm, by they’re lack of representing.
Mayor Bloomberg was slow to respond? Yes and now he is apologizing.
Well, maybe the union should take a lesson from him. The patience of people is wearing thin.
Now the Grinch has stolen from many, but he will steal no more, if only men will finally learn, in the end he has in store.
Nothing, for greed cannot satisfy, those who seek, Christmas is in the heart.
And even Scrooge did find this out.
So, stop and think about the end, and what this life is all about.
Jesus Is the Reason For the Season!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!!!


Will Everyone Please Calm Down?

I worked with someone the other day and he was so high-strung, it seemed he was either having a bad day, or one of those people who is very confrontational.

He came to get me and asked if I would be the mediator in a situation he was in with a passenger. He had explained that he had offered this person a meal choice, and when he was told it was no longer available, the passenger became irate, and told him he was obnoxious.

Now, my flying partner was furious, and told him, that “he was going to turn this plane around and have him taken off!”I thought this a bit drastic for this situation and it seemed it could have been handled differently, however, I wasn’t there. So, when he asked, if I thought he should approach the man again, I said, “well, if this man has accepted your offer of the meal, why stir things up again?”

He didn’t seem to want to listen to this advice. I watched his face, as he seemed to be mulling over his own choice of words. “I know what I’m going to say,” he said. “I’m going to tell him, that I hope I’m not going to have any more problems. And I would like you to stand there as a witness.” Hmm, I’m just thinking, I don’t know if I want to be a witness to any of this.

So, I decide to be the one to diffuse the whole episode. What I witnessed was something that got totally out of control. I walked ahead of him and almost made it into the galley, hoping he really wasn’t going to say anything. But he did. He seemed like he was about to change his mind,, and stopped. “Listen, sir, “I hope I’m not going to have a problem with you.” “What? Are you serious? Do you believe this guy?” He looks at the seat partner next to him incredulously and says, I can’t believe this! Now this is bordering on harassment!”

My flying partner says, “Sir I just want to make sure we’re clear on this, and that you understand, and you call me obnoxious. I don’t need to be called names!” “Well you are obnoxious!” He says. “Why because you don’t get your choice of meals?” “No, it’s your whole attitude!”

Then the man next to him, looks at him and says, I think you should stay quiet and I’ll speak.” He looks at my flying partner and says, “listen I have flown over a million miles and I’ve never seen anyone not get their meal choice. The way you came to this gentleman and offered him a choice, and then left, and came back and told him it was no longer available, it just didn’t make sense.”

The flight attendant gets hyped up again, and he says, while pointing his finger, unless he can follow the instructions I give him, I’m going to have the pilots turn this plane around! I will not be talked to like this!”

I stepped in at this point and said, “I think most people do not understand that there is a certain protocol which we must follow and it is a meal choice according to status. We usually offer a second choice, in case the first is no longer available. It is company policy. And yes, many times a customer has had to take their second choice. But I think, my partner’s real issue is the fact that he felt personally attacked by being called, “obnoxious,” when he was only doing his job. It seems both of you are very emotional right now and this is not a good time to deal with this. Yes, the customer had agreed, “I shouldn’t have called him “obnoxious, I meant his behavior was obnoxious.” “Well,”my colleague said, “you should have said that.”  “Yes, but,” and then it continued. Before I knew it, I heard the customer saying he was going to be writing our CEO. And the other flight attendant was responding, “Yes, then you need to do that!”

As I was walking away, the customer sidelined me and said, “Hey, am I crazy? What is wrong with him?” Refusing to take sides, and knowing that they both were very keyed up, I said, “no you’re not crazy, and smiled the most neutral smile that I had. Then he said, “Who’s the head flight attendant?” I saw the extreme look of disappointment as I delivered the final blow, “He is.” “Are you kidding me?”

As I was standing there, I was thinking, “This is exactly like the fights my son and my  mentally challenged brother have, and I’m the referee. I stand as the buffer. I refuse to take sides and it’s all so silly. The thought of turning a plane full of people around because a guy didn’t get his meal choice, was just as ridiculous turning a plane full of people because of someone being called obnoxions.

I just kept thinking of that mantra in the movie from Anger Management:

I saw two guys in the last row,just laughing. As I walked up they said, we were so curious about the action up there. I said it was a scene straight from Anger Management. “I know.” The guy said. “I could see that flight attendants hands going and his finger-pointing!”  “Oh, at one point the passenger even called it a bad comedy.”I said And we started laughing.

So, I had to think about Jack Nicholson’s treatment plan as an emergency backup if this should ever happen again. If I am ever in this situation, I am simply going to give the hotheads instructions to begin singing, “Im so pretty, I’m so pretty….you know the rest. Now one can stay angry when they’re singing that song, and that’s a fact!

I’m In Contempt

and so many other things

I just couldn’t handle it today. I was supposed to have my Guardian Report in month’s ago. But I thought it was by December,because that’s when I did it last year. Because, I was late last year too.

But this year, I picked up my mom up in July. I returned to training, in June. And she was calling me to come and get her in a frantic voice, on my very first trip back. I was so upset, and I couldn’t sleep. I remember being so worried, and I had to tell her, that although, I was going to wait until the next month, I would get her in between trips.

So, needless to say, I was certainly not thinking about a report, that needed to be filed.Now, I had more responsibilities, with her care. My brother,was really easy, compared to the things she needed.

But now, I received a paper from the court, stating that if I didn’t get this report filed I would be “in contempt.”

I had all my trips, back and forth, to New York. I did this last year, so thinking it is not a big deal, I’ll just find some time to finish before the 3 days alloted me for the hearing.

Not so easy. My trip gets messed up with weather.Then I make a crazy flight home in a whirlwind flight with a girl who can run like the wind. I laugh at how she makes the impossible seemingly possible, and now this will be a done deal.

I get home on the 2, and the hearing is on December 6th. I get up early. Get my brother off to school. Praying that my mother rests just a little bit longer. I get on the computer and try to pull up those reports, only to remember that I did a system restore. Oh, yes I did. I wiped out all that information. Everything gone. All that stuff that was so easy, is a difficult task.

And now, I called my attorney’s office,only to be told that it can’t be 3 day’s to the hearing. I think, this can’t be true. So I personally go to the courthouse and speak to the deputy. She tells me, to speak to the secretary.

I speak to her and she says, “Of course, just fax me your info and we’ll give you an extension.” “Yes, that’s great, because I’m leaving on a trip.” I tell her.

Besides the fact that I must take my brother in to have an evaluation with a doctor. (As if anything is going to change) And my attorney needs to sign the documents.

I have all kinds of things going on. I celebrate Christmas and Chanukkah and I realize that my attorney is Jewish.

I go type up the written request and fax it. Today my attorney calls to ask whether I’ve heard anything. “No.” I tell him. “Well, we have to show, or you’ll be in contempt.” he tells me. “Well, then I’ll be in contempt. They told me they’d give me an extension, if I send a written request. This is ridiculous. It’s a matter of paperwork!” 

I was talking to my girlfriend after being so overwhelmed to the point of almost crying today. I said, “I’m so sick of all this. I snapped at my mom. I’m probably going to go to jail for not having my report in for my brother,while all the criminals are getting away with murder!” We started laughing. She said, “Yea, did you hear about that woman today, that was arrested for having $200 worth of overdue library books?” “Oh,that will be me!” I told her!

Definitely no good deed goes unpunished! My attorney finally told me to fax him the request and we’ll see what happens.Isaid to him, “Hey it’s Chanukah, what are you doing at the office, anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be at home celebrating?” “I’m putting out fires, here.” He said. “Hmm, Good point.” lol

 I guess I am rather contemptuous,at that. Ask people who know me. I’m always flying by the seat of my pants.Perhaps it is the reason, I am a flight attendant. And a contemptuous one, at that. So if I end up in prison, I’m sure, I won’t be on Santa’s nice, list, but, please send me some cookies….oh, and don’t forget to look out for my family!!!!

p in prison, please send me some cookies, and take care of my family!!!!