Trauma, a state of being...What is Post Traumatic Stress? Why after all of my trauma, would it pay me a visit now? I asked this question after my trip that fateful day in July 2005.

After my experience in the London bombings, I returned home and I started to go through horrific experiences. Oh, yes I tried to assimilate into my life with some new found friends. Nothing seemed to alleviate the real physical and mental problems that followed, however.

I started to lose my hair and at first thought it to be the medication used to treat the PTSD, but that wasn’t it. I had finally after a few years, regained hair growth in spite of the fact that I was still taking the medicine.

I lost so much weight that I looked anorexic. I was fearful of the things that I had never feared before.

Then I began to experience intestinal problems and even went for a colonoscopy, of course thinking the worst. It was one thing after another. But my question was, why? I had lived through the most intense traumas in my life and it didn’t seem to affect me like this? Why now?

As my counselor spoke to me one day, the light went on. “It is like an egg she said. With each trauma, you develop a small crack. Then one day, you experience something that cracks the egg wide open. It’s similar to the straw that breaks the camels back.”

Ahhh, now I have a visual and yes, this is exactly how she described it. I had questioned how I could be so tough and now I felt as if I was falling apart. Afraid of so many things, even losing joy in the smallest of things. I started to detest lound sounds. The fireworks brought me anxiety and I felt sad that I would retreat to my house when my son was having so much fun watching them. I didn’t want to infect him with this fear. I know that a person cannot live in fear.

I slowly became stronger in my faith in the Lord, once again and have learned to lean on Him in my fearful moments. I trust Him and no one else. I realize that man is fallible and even in business, I understand that no one is ever going to care about me as a person and I must rely on the Lord for His supernatural protection.

He is the good shepherd that watches over me and He has. He will always be the rock that I can stand on. I continue to pray for those that are responsible for my pain and suffering and for those that were in that incident with me. We were the forgotten ones. Our superiors proved that we were dispensable. Our lives didn’t matter on that day and afterward. We were to forget what happened and continue on, business as usual. But hey, why should they care? They sat in their cushioned leather chairs in the lofty office in a nice air conditioned room the day that someone made those decisions to intimidate us to go into the streets with so much at risk.

But I wonder, would they allow their loved ones to do what they demanded that we do that day?Or better yet, would they have done it?

Now that’s the million dollar question, isn’t it???????

I Never Knew You!


come to meThese are the words that no one desires to hear when the Lord returns; but they will and it will be spoken to many people that are quite active within ministry and the church.

This will be the saddest day for all mankind and I grieve when I read about this in scripture. People are always saying, “well God knows my heart.” This is a direct fulfillment of what scriptures states, “the heart is wicked and deceitful above all things, who can know it?” Well it’s true, God can know it, however, the heart being wicked and deceitful only means that we can deceive ourselves into believing we have some kind of ‘goodness’ that can save us. We don’t. We were born into sin and there is only one that is good, as Christ stated to make His point. “Do not call anyone good for only our Father in heaven is good.

Oh yes, we are good at something that’s true. It is, as I stated, self-deception. We try to climb up on that cross as if we can redeem ourselves with works or our image that we have created. This image is nothing but a false idol that we bow down to and hope that others will as well. Yes, this is why the commandment tells us, “Do not worship false images.” We can create a picture of ourselves in our pride and it is the very thing that keeps us from entering into a true intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. The only one that can save us from our deception and pride. The word of God tells us that, “He became nothing.” That’s right, the king of the universe, stepped into a mortal body to live among us and He did not consider His reputation.

When we come to Christ, we are to have our identity in Christ and we become nothing. He lives through us and touches the world through our hands and feet. Our eyes and mouth. We are the vessels. As pathetic as we are, He loves us in all of our imperfection and He alone brings about the change in us by the power of the Holy Spirit. This cannot happen as long as we are still holding on to any belief that we are doing this or He needs our help. The opposite of the humanist belief must take hold and we crucify our flesh so that He knows we are dead to ourselves. This is why Paul said, “His strength is made perfect, in my weakness. When our pride is wiped out and we are broken. This is when Christ becomes the strongest in our lives. It is the only time that we realize it is not our power. “Not our will, but thine be done.” It’s simply impossible as long as we are sitting on the throne of our will and not submitted to Him.

Now, in the end when He judges mankind it will be just this self-deception that men have chosen, to be cast aside. It is not the Lord’s choosing, but the very men that have been serving in ministry. However, they are not serving God, they only give the appearance of this to the outside world. Here is the pinnacle of the judgement in that day. It says in scripture; (Matthew 7:21-23) “Not everyone who says to me, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father in heaven. Many will say(and the word many translates to the majority, or greater part) to me on that day, “Lord did we not prohesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?” Then I will tell them plainly, Depart from me, I never knew you.” The word knew is defined as “an intimate relationship.

So when the separation takes place we can see that the Lord is not pleased with all of these works, even though the people that claimed this as their right to enter heaven, think that they were serving the kingdom. The key and the operative words are, “I never knew you.”

If you look further, in verse 24, He defines the real meaning of this relationship. You cannot hear the word of God and know the truth and continue to live your life any way you please. There must be an outward change that is visible of your relationship with Christ. And it is not the title or works you perform, but the lifestyle that you live. It must be a reflection of the Lord ruling and reigning on the throne of your heart. If He is ruling, you will have the power to turn away from an unrighteous life and overcome these areas of darkness. You can’t hide behind good works as a smokescreen and believe that the Lord is going to let you slip into the kingdom because you taugh bible study or led ministry. He demands a consecrated life and we are the example of the Word of God being read. Paul tells us, ‘we are epistles being read.” Our life and the fruit of our lives to the world.

If we do not allow this, we are in rebellion and we are the ones spoken of in the last days, “they worship me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.”

So we can see these portions of scripture are dealing with the ones that claim to know Him. He is not speaking of the unsaved world. It is far worse to claim you know the truth and continue on with your deeds of darkness and use the name of Christ to promote yourself. This is very dangerous since we can see that the lost, don’t walk in hypocrisy. They don’t claim to have a desire to follow Christ and therefore are not preaching a double standard.

I had a friend that came with me to a church years ago. It was a vital church, but things started to be shaken at the top. Church leadership was being called out, by the Lord. A definite shaking was taking place and these people had lives that were unconsecrated and they were doing things that were morally wrong.

My friend laughed when we had a trip together. We were in a European country and walked into a club and she and I saw women on the tables dancing and men drunk as could be. We walked out and she made the statement, “hey it’s just like that church!” I laughed so hard and thought, “you know, she’s right! What separates that church from the world, if the leaders are engaging in acts such as these? She had asked me, “why would these people even want to pretend? If they are going to do this stuff, why no just quit being involved in a church?” Very profound statement from my friend. I was trying to be a witness to her and yet, after she had seen this, she made the valid point, that these people were indeed, worse that she was in their actions, because of their sanctimonious and hypocritical lives.

Of course the Lord wouldn’t allow this to continue and the church fell apart. If the leadership wanted to walk in these ways, the Lord was not going to allow them to lead so many others down this slippery slope. “Judgement begins in the house of God.” And since we are also considered temples, this means us as well.

So here we see the end days approaching and I would encourage everyone, to look at these words with great fear and do a self-examination, just as I did. I speak for myself as well and can say, I had almost fallen away from discouragement, yet refused to be claiming I was an active believer when I was walking in darkness. I just couldn’t drag the Lords name through the mud. To me, get in or get out! This is exactly what the Lord says in Revelation. Remember, I had posted this once before.

Revelation 3:14-16 “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So because you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I am about to spit you out of my mouth!” (The word for spit/spew, is vomit) It actually makes the Lord sick to His stomach to see such hypocrisy and remember, He is speaking to the church.

It is coming very soon, so I would say, now is the time to get on your knees and repent. Ask Christ to come and reign in your heart so that you will be one of the over-comers that He praises in the end. These are the ones that He will say to, “Well done my good and faithful servant, enter into your rest!”

Jezebel vs Jehu


enslaved by Jezebel

enslaved by Jezebel

To continue the post on Jezebel, I have done some research, since I am in a battle against this powerful spirit and it is apparent that Jezebel will be wreaking havoc in peoples lives in these last days. She is in comparison, Satan’s bride. The female demon, however, she can work through a male or female.

The people that are enslaved by Jezebel, rarely know this unless they read the Word of God and start to understand how this demon operates. This demon uses witchcraft to over power a persons mind and usually tends to use the facade of the church as her cover. The church is a very nice hiding place for Jezebel.

As I stated in my last post, Jezebel made her first appearance in the human form in 1 Kings and appears once again in spirit form, in the book of Revelation. The church of Thyratira in Revelation 2:18 is where the angel speaks about the fact that the church is responsible for tolerating her immorality and the influence she has on others. Even in Galatians, Paul speaks about those who have been “bewitched” as he reprimands these “foolish Galatians.” (Galatians 3:1) The translation of this word is “by witchcraft.”

Jezebels traits should be studied and if you are a spirit-filled believer, submitted to God, you will easily discern her operating. She loves to play the queen bee and usually tries to emasculate the men around her, and belittling everyone else. She must be the center of attention and if she thinks that a true Christian, can discern her, she does not want you to have contact with her victims. She has her victims doing her dirty work for her. She likes to remain hidden and even though she constantly sows seeds of discord and hatred, she does not want to be exposed. She will lie compulsively and is a psychopath. Her conscience has been seared.

If she senses she is losing control over her victim, she will do anything to hold on. Jezebel needs an Ahab to exist. This is the mind control that is spoken of. Totally giving their will over to Jezebel, just as Ahab did in 1 Kings, she has total control of her victim. She feels powerful and usually she destroys other people to elevate her own position.

She does not repent for anything and if she even begins to sound like it, that is usually only cursory to maintain control. It’s always a false sense of humility, because she is filled with pride.

It’s a sad demise for Jezebel, but usually only by someone like the prophet Jehu, the person operating under this spirit can be free. The male/female that the spirit Jezebel is operating through, must first acknowledge that they are indeed being influence by this demon, and then they must repent. This is the beginning of their deliverance, however, the person must recognize that this spirit can come back if they are not filled by the Holy Spirit. The Lord tells us that the “house must be swept clean and filled or the spirits will return.”

There is quite a bit of resource information on this spirit and on Ahab and in these days it is quite important for people to know their enemy!

The Lord revealed to me something that had just happened in my life and it was the classic Jezebel move. A man of God told me that this was the Lord letting me know where the enemy was at. However, after I discovered this episode lined up with scripture to a tee, the Lord reminded me that He was not jut letting me know “where the enemy was at, but Who the enemy is. This is very important when we are doing warfare and praying for those to be released from the deception of the enemy in their own lives. Most people under her power, or any demons, for that matter, rarely realize that they are under it’s control.

This is why we stand in the gap and do battle on their behalf. (2 Tim 2:26) “and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.

I noticed something of interest as well in the last book of the Old Testament. The final prophecy before the return of the Lord. “See I will send you the prophet, Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the Lord comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.” (Malachi 4;5) I noticed that Elijah is the one that confronted Ahab and Jezebel in 1 Kings and spoke the word of the Lord to put an end to their rein of terror. Here we seeĀ  Elijah appearing once again, right before the return of the Lord and who is also working her charms? That’s right, in the last days before the return of the Lord, there she is in Revelation, Jezebel And we know from the past that Jezebel, hated the prophets of God. She had them killed because she worshipped Baal.

Even though she is hiding in the church, she isn’t hidden to those walking in the spirit, with true discernment. She is serving herself and she is surrounding herself with puppets. Her life has not been consecrated to the Lord, she only worships Him with her lips to proliferate her plans of deception.

She hated Elijah and she will not tolerate the prophets trying to disrupt her plans for her victims. She needs to remove them from her sphere of influence so that she will not be exposed. True hatred spews from this spirits mouth toward the followers of Christ who choose to live according to His words. She falsely accuses them to make them appear the opposite of the life they choose to walk in and this spirit “glory’s in her shame.” Making it appear to even the most intelligent victim, that she is very noble in her acts of corruption.

Now in the end, as I stated, it will be Jehu that comes and destroys this work. He knew his mission and would not allow himself to be captivated by this witchcraft. “She painted her eyes, arranged her hair and looked out the window. (She uses this seduction as part of her power, it is sensual and carnal.) As Jehu entered the gate she asked, “Have you come in peace, Zimri, you murderer of your master?”

Without even being caught up in her accusations or any conversation whatsoever, Jehu called out, “Who is on my side?Who?” Two or three eunichs(she surrounded herself with men that were emasculate, a picture of what type of spirit this is), looked down at him. “Throw her down! Jehu said.”

We know the rest, Jehu had her thrown from her palace wall. She is haughty and thought that she could overpower everyone, but “greater is He that is in me, than the one who is in the world.” Jehu was a mighty man of God.

  • This is the proverb that speaks of all of the characteristics of a Jezebel spirit, “There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to Him;
  • haughty eyes
  • a lying tongue
  • hands that shed innocent blood
  • a heart that devises wicked schemes
  • feet that are quick to rush into evil
  • a false witness that pours out lies
  • and Seven, remember is detestable to Him; a man who stirs up dissension among his brothers.

This is where we will see many of the traits in a person operating under this spirit. Since God does not speak of hate except in terms like this, I would pray for discernment if anyone believes they are gripped by this powerful demon and repent before the Day of the Lord. So the “hearts can be restored, to the Father.” This is first our spiritual Father and we know that Jezebel enters in, because most people influenced by this spirit, had a lost connection or skewed understanding of their own earthly father and it takes healing and restoration for this person to be delivered.

Yes, this is a powerful demon, but not more powerful than the Lord! He longs to set us free from Satans power and this is where we can see that the “ones the Lord sets free are free indeed!”