The Scribe


Well, I feel as if I’ve been through a serious battle and recovering once again. It wasn’t quite as serious as the time the enemy had laid me out for two years. I had literally been frozen. Incapacitated, with fear, because of his lies. Post traumatic stress. It had me in a deep depression and panic attacks would come and go. At times I thought I would never function again.

I’d forgotten many of Paul’s words to believer’s and the battle which we are waging. That we must remember the battle begins in the minds of believers, and this is the stronghold, which we must protect. It is where the those lies must be ‘crucified’ or they will become the basis of a belief system, which opposes faith.

It reminded me of my trip to Masada, the fortress in Israel. I went last March.  What a story of holding this fortress. I feel as if this is an analogy to my life. And Paul had a similar message to us; “Hold every thought captive to Jesus Christ.” When translating this it is a military term. What a word picture I had on my visit to Masada

There is a saying, “Masada will not fall again.” This is something which I hold on to.

I was watching my brother this morning as I thought about the terrible last few days of warfare, I had been under. I let the battle wage against me. He would have no idea and was just as content as could be. This is how I should be and this is exactly what the Lord was trying to show me.

How many times did He tell us to be like the little children? And here he is. With the mind of a child. Perpetually frozen in time. A constant reminder for me. Yes, when I brought my brother home to live, I think the agencies in my state were even shocked as they had been duped by the paperwork, that he had been somehow capable of having faculties, that he did not have.

He is a little boy in every way. Yet, he sits with pen in hand when the Pastor’s speak on Sunday. He copies everything he hears on tv. With his children’s bible which I had given him. I have wondered at times, what he”s writing, so I will take his notebooks and look.

It’s beautiful to see his notes. The word of God displayed in childlike scrawl. Our Lord tells us that  “The Word does not return void.”  Lord has also told us. And “Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.”

I have to laugh at how upset I had been just a few days earlier and I thought of  a story in the bible. It was King David in one of his battles. I thought of one account in particular, where he was surrounded by his enemies. At fear of death, he literally began to drool and act like a crazy man. Here he was, the King of Israel, acting like he was out of his mind! They took one look at him and said, “Let him go. He’s clearly mad.” Now only chapter’s earlier, this same man had taken out Goliath with one stone! What had happened?

I thought of Elijah. He had confronted that prophets of that witch Jezebel and mocked them to their face. Telling them that the Baal gods, were probably asleep or on vacation and waiting for them to answer. While he dumped water on the altar again and again and God came down with fire!

Yet later, he was running for his life from Jezebel and hiding in a desert. It just didn’t make sense. But of course I know that this is what happens with warfare and the mind. In my own life I have seen the Lord deal with each and every person who has ever threatened me in one way or another. I know He protects me.

And I know that it is true, “deception destroys faith.” I got that message. So it’s important to eat the bread of His word and in The madness of this world will continue. And I felt sorry for those caught in the snare of their own devices.I pray for them to be set free from this deception. Perhaps in their own quiet places, they will climb the snake path all the way to the top, and take the fortress.

“Finally be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes you may be able to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. (Ephesians 6:12-18)

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Dear Dad


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I was sad yesterday, as I usually am on the anniversary of your death.

The same is true on your birthday. These are day’s which come and go, and it always seems, I may get on a little easier, but I feel this dark cloud, it’s a feeling, and it isn’t as if I have the day marked on my calendar. I just have that funk, as if it’s about to rain.

Then, just in case I didn’t remember, mom pulled the obituary card from her wallet. “Oh, look, this is your dad’s.” You see how much she think’s about you dad?

You two may have been apart for years, but in your hearts you always remained. Which reminds me, a question which I would really love an answer to someday. How did I get the marriage certificate, (which seems to be a fraud) between you and Rae Marie?This second marriage which you never claimed was a real marriage.

I was going through all of my papers when I found a strange thing appear on my credit report showing me still living in your house after 30 years. It sparked suspicion. This led to me finding a mortgage taken out in my name and as I searched through my documents, I found your marriage certificate.

That made me think back to all those years of your drunken remarks, of not really being married. I just thought you were blowin smoke out of your you know what. But what really bugged me was, how did I come into possession of this document? It was just plain, creepy.

I’ve lived in another state for 28 years, and I’ve moved many times. I’ve had these files forever. Never have I seen this. And why would I have it? I don’t have your marriage certificate to mom. It’s as if someone wanted me to know this for some important reason.But who? And if it was you, then it’s out of the spirit world.  But how did you pull off this Houdini-esque trick? I mean to come back from the grave and put this in my documents? To prove this? And why?

Is it that important to you to let me know this? It is strange that you both went to Illinois, as you couldn’t marry in Wisconsin, since you and her were still married. Who was that woman? She was evil until the very end. I never knew anyone to be as evil and hateful as this woman in my life. I could not understand this kind of evil and could only believe she had made some kind of pact with the devil or something. At any rate, she sure didn’t get anything, so it didn’t do her any good.

Well dad, let me tell you what has taken place since you decided to get out of this place. You told me to take care of mom, and I am, to the best of my ability.

You told me to protect, your first born son and your name sake, and I am also doing that, to the best of my ability.

But, if you could have foreseen, what this world and it’s evil had in store, I doubt you would have left me with this mess.

They have squeezed your blood so many times and your son, they regarded as the throwaway, is the most important of all.

I know you thought I had broad shoulders dad, but I was just a little girl. I never got to be a child. I remember a few times that you came to save me and I will never forget those moments.I can tell you a few memories dad and now I know when they came. Those spirits. Those spirits that you could not battle.

I remember the time, that mom was in the hospital having Dennis. You were at home with us. I was taking a nap. You were outside with the my siblings. I saw the door. Those spirits came. I started to scream. As you ran into my room and scooped me up, you said I was having a nightmare, but I saw them. They were coming, through the portal. Trying to enter.

You were not able to fight against what was happening. A year later, Dennis died and that evil woman took you out of our lives. I saw that you had no understanding of the spirit world. You had no mantle. No spiritual authority and they beat you down.

Another time, I remember, going to sleep and all of a sudden I heard a throng of voices. As they rose from hell. Suffering voices. And I bolted upright in my bed. I was in terror as I heard them. It was as if the ground opened and I could hear every soul screaming and moaning. Nothing like that have I ever heard, and it gave me a deep compassion for people.

He works through the weak things of this earth. There was a mantle passed down. You had given this to me when you left this earth. Now I thought the program at your company had an interesting acronym. B.E.L.L. Meaning, Let’s Limit Employee Benefits.

Because I’ve often thought of this in relationship to you in a boxing ring, and tapping out, right before the Bell rings. I took your place in the ring. I carried on where you left off. And let me tell you, it hasn’t been easy.Sometimes, I’ve been scared. I’ve been lonely. I’ve wanted your advice. After all, I’m a woman and this is really a job for a father. I understand, that your first born son is mentally challenged and what pain this had caused you. I remember you crying as if this was somehow your fault. But nonetheless, the Lord knew, this responsibility had to pass to me. But if only you knew what you had left me with.

Evil men have taken advantage of me and brought terrible pain and suffering. And not just to me, but to mom and the rest of us.. I felt as if I was born with a sword in my hand and have been spinning in circles all my life to keep them at bay.It’s as if I can never let my arms down or there may be great harm. Forget about the chances of me ever having a relationship. I’m the great pariah. Did you know that this is the life you would leave for me? Thanks dad. 

So I want to tell you dad that some days, if you were here, I would pound your chest and scream at you! I would probably curse you out and call you an SOB!!! I’d tell you that you were weak for getting involved with that evil B**** and she did all kinds of crazy stuff to hurt us while you were gone. Then it was hunting season for others to come in and take what they wanted. I’d tell you that I needed you a lot more as a young girl and more than ever now!

There are days that I’m just downright angry with you for leaving me in this mess. And then when I look at what these people have done, it’s like they are digging you up from the grave again and again. But I have to remember that this was the Lords plan. It was His design for them to be in this place.Not mine. So that in the end, they will know that God is God, and it is to His glory, that all of these things have taken place. His eyes are always on these helpless ones. He has said, “Does the one who has created the ear, not hear, what you are doing? Does the one who has created the eye, not see what you are doing?”

I didn’t create the mess. But the Lord’s words are, “Be sure to now your sin will find you out.” And it most certainly will. People that have no fear of God,just don’t believe that they will ever be caught for anything at all. So they just continue doing what they do.

It’s almost comical if it wasn’t so sad. My story is just incredible, and if someone else was telling me the details of my story, I’d say,”this girl has got to be fabricating this!” But there isn’t a  producer that can write any script better than God, and that’s the truth!

By the way, dad,  Kevin has turned out to be quite an artist, and you wouldn’t believe the beauty of this world through his eyes. Thank God, I have his eyes, to look through. He reminds me of what is truly important. I’m so happy to have him restored to his family.

I have mom in a pottery class and she seems to enjoy it. She has many memories of when we were young. The good times. I think of how similar her sense of humor is to yours and am grateful that this is the primary quality which has brought all of us through this shipwreck of a family.

I try to think of what you would do in these circumstances and keep my mind focused on what you have asked of me. If I set aside the drinking part, I think I’ve held it together pretty well, in spite of the cards I’ve been dealt.

This is my one job which I hold sacred. This is something which I see as a bond made with your own blood and God will not allow this to be broken, by any man. Believe me, many have tried. And now this money, has become a curse to many. They have gotten themselves in quite a pickle because of this and you would probably get quite a laugh out of this. It’s all because of Kevin. The one that everyone just disregarded.

But don’t worry dad. You bred a tough girl. All that suffering, mixed with that Irish blood, you were so proud of, made me quite a fighter. I know I have a job to do, and I must “be about my Father’s business.”

I will be faithful to the end. The Lord has a plan for mankind and it is my great honor to be used by Him. I am so blessed to know that even the pain of your death, was to be used by my Lord to bring about His plan. And you already knew I was the one with the soft heart of compassion who would bring about the circumstances to see this to it’s completion.

Yes, many times, I have been like our Lord and asked to take this cup from me. But I know, it cannot be passed. Many times, I have asked for punishment to fall on those responsible for these crimes. In so much hurt and anger. While I struggle to care for the ones that you have left behind. As I see these living lavish lives with this blood money, I scream in anger, “That money belongs to my father! And it is for my mother and my brother!”

Just yesterday as I woke in this depressed stated of mind, I was crying and speaking those words, “Whose going to pay for this? Whose going to pay?” I felt so much despair.

I came downstairs to make some coffee. I felt the cloud over me. I looked up at the hole in my kitchen ceiling which is supposed to be repaired. But the mortgage company is playing games with the insurance money. I have a stack of kitchen tile waiting to be put in and I’m worried that my mother is going to fall on them. I have a two-by-four holding up a cupboard. And face boards which have literally fallen off of cupboards.

I’ve taken a leave from work to take care of my mother because I could only fly half a schedule anyway. They offered unemployment and we would be saving other people from layoffs. But I found out that I was now denied a loan modification because unemployment does not qualify me for any modification program. So here I am in a house that is literally falling apart and trying to care for all of these people while I’m sitting at my table, with this question rattling around, “Whose going to pay?”

My gaze begins to drift to the paper plate at the end of the table. I had made a bunch of spikes with red paint for Easter. Some with chains and some with black beads. I heard some words quietly whispered into my ear, “I’ve already paid.”

I began to cry. “Yes, Lord.You did. And you did this for all men. Not just me.” So, I’m trying to balance this understanding of His plan with my own feelings of anger and hurt.

I try to temper my hurt with grace. I know that I’m not God. But He is and where I don’t have an earthly father, He fills in the gaps.
So sometimes, when I feel overwhelmed with the task that He has called me to, He reminds me that if I wasn’t capable, He wouldn’t  have called me.

Then I spoke to someone on the phone and she was an angelic voice. Reminding me of what was important. She was supposed to be an attorney, but you would think she was a counselor of some sort, and I told her so at the end of my conversation. So sweet and comforting were her words to me, that I almost began to cry. She had ministered to my spirit in a time of crisis and told me to forget about the things which really don’t matter. “You have your mother with you right now and that is what’s important.”

It was as if my own father was giving me a gentle reminder of his words. “Give my love to your mother. Don’t worry about anything else.” “You’re right.” I told her.

So, I realized the Lord had sent that hug that I needed. And my pain and anger subsided. Then He reminded me that He loves all men. And that there is no sin too great which His blood did not pay! All we must do is turn to Him.

So, dad I am waiting to see you at the end of the journey!

Love,

Your daughter!!!!

Carrie

The Simple Life


My brother is just so funny. I feel blessed to have him in my life. He makes me laugh so hard.  It’s wonderful for my mother to share this time with him too, since he had been living apart from her for many years.

I’ve noticed that he and the other people with special needs bring home beautiful pictures. The other day I was looking at this picture and I said, “Kevin, this is not yours. You’ve taken someone else’s picture by mistake.” He promptly picked up a pen and crossed out the other persons name and wrote his own name on the top! Then he said, “There you go.” As if life is just that easy. Take what you want. I wonder how many times he’s seen that done I thought. “Hmm,” I said. “He’d make a great attorney!”

My mother and I were laughing so hard at him. In his world forgery was nothing. If you like it, make it yours.

I looked at all of the artwork and started looking at the things in my home. I realized that life is just too short to collect things. The beauty of simple things that the artwork my brother produces, is better than anything one can purchase.

I sat in my living room and was sad when I noticed a small cardboard box which held the belongings which my mother was left with after being moved from her home. I took a picture. I cried to think this was so important to her.The Barbie dolls which she used to knit clothing for. No one could believe that she could do this and it was something that she took great pride in. The little Charlie Brown that plays music. The pictures. I managed to get the bronze shoes from my brother Dennis who had passed away as a baby. These she somehow never lost in all of her shuffling through the years. It is difficult to see my mother’s life reduced to a cardboard box. But then I look around and feel the weight of all the things in my life holding me down. I don’t want anything in my life. I can’t stand things holding me back from what is important. I hate greed and what it does to people. It hurts me to see what it has done. I don’t want to take care of things. Although I love looking at my brother’s pictures. And my mother’s things. It’s cute, but we all have the propensity to collect. So I want to bring joy to other’s by giving.

Now I got my mom into a pottery class to learn something new. She was making me laugh with her antics. When the teacher told her to “pinch her pot,” she said, “What?” “Yea, I said, “That meant something completely different in the 70’s!” Now she’s learning a different skill at 82 and she’ll be able to make new memories and so will I.

I realized that life is not about owning things. In fact the more time I spend with my mother, the more fleeting I see that our time is on this earth. I see that those who have robbed and tried to fill their lives with things, are missing the most important qualities.

My mother and I listened to my brother talking last night. He was telling us about the lipstick that he was going to give his girlfriend at school. He was going to put it in his purse. It’s really a fannypack. He crams all kinds of stuff into that purse. Sometimes I’ll check it just too unload some things. It’s so stuffed full. I just have to see what he’s carrying around and it’s funny. Pictures of things unrelated. I try to connect the subjects, but can’t seem to and move on. The objects make no sense,but they amuse me.

The keychains that I have given him have all found a place on this pack. I have actually had to remove some,because it has become unsafe. The weight of this is ridiculous. And the fact that one of them is a round basketball for coins, makes it hilarious with his gait and when he bowls, underhanded, my son made the remark that it’s a good thing I didn’t give him the bull’s you know what, to hang from this pack, or it would be quite a sight to behold, when he bends down to bowl! This visual just made me crack up.

He is very animated. And when he tells us that someone threw up at school it’s hilarious. He is over the top. I don’t think it happened the way he tells us and at times, I only wish I could place a hidden camera on him. There was one day that he told me that one person threw up and another girl was told that “she stinks and needed to go into the bathroom,” while the teacher was spraying the bathroom. And later, he said the same girl was his girlfriend. My son, who is not easily grossed out, said, “Come on, I don’t want to hear this! You’re girlfriend stinks!” And my brother as proud as could be, said, “Yes, she stinks! Right?” Wow! That’s unconditional love at it’s best! And, all I can say is, those special education teacher’s work very hard, and deserve pay raises!!! Treat them well. They’re very special people.

But,people like my brother are also very special and he keeps me centered. I sometimes find I’m taking him for granted and when I come back to him, I find humor in his simple words and beauty in the world around him. It is just what God was trying to point out to all of us and the reason He told us that “the meek would inherit the earth.”

Look at what a mess we have made of all of this. Greedy people have tried to use people like my brother for selfish gain. I’ve had people say, “They look at your brother like a throwaway.” That has brought me unspeakable pain.” Yes, even at his birth they thought he wouldn’t live. But God had a different plan. And his plans were to bring men to repentance through my brother. Yes, my brother who is so innocent. Who would take an art project and cross someones name and sign his name, would do this with anything. He knows no difference. He tells me everything costs “a hundred dollars.”

But who cares? My brother puts everything in perspective. Whether it a billion dollars or a penny, in his mind it’s the same price. Just as the value of a soul is worth more than everything. And as the Lord has said, “Woe to the man who gains the whole world, yet loses his own soul.”

Don’t Embrace Deception, Destroy It!


I was thinking about my prayer journals that I have kept over the years. I will pick up one of them and begin to read. Always amazed at the miracles which I’ve experienced. I detail everything. Including dreams and the fulfillment of those dreams.

Many are prophetic, and I know the difference. They have a powerful influence, and spill over into my natural life. I feel the Lord revealing things and reminding me of the dream and it’s messages. I see the little reminders or signs, as He is revealing the prophetic meaning in my ‘real life.’

Many times, when it comes to prophetic dreams, being completed,  they have a repeating theme. I will think it has come to its conclusion, only to begin again. And I also realize it is for a much larger audience, that I had originally understood. Perhaps the Lord does not want to overwhelm me with this knowledge.

One such dream, was many years ago. I had been in leadership in a church. It was experiencing some shaking, in the top  and I had a profound dream. I knew it had something to do with this. I met with the pastor and his wife to share what I had seen.

It was indeed, quite prophetic, as the knowledge which I shared, I could have not known, had it not been the Lord who had revealed these things to me. At one point, I posed a question to the pastor and his wife about this particular part of my dream. They both looked at each other with as much surprise as can be expected when the Lord, “reads our mail.”

But now, as I said, This dream speaks to a much larger group than just that church from so many years ago. The Lord had me revisit this dream. And I will share this. You may ask the Lord how this applies to you or your life.

The dream:

We were all a large group, standing outside of the church. As we stood close to each other, someone screamed. I looked around, and the large crowd seemed to part, in a panic.

Right down the middle, ran a huge iguana. It ran straight up into a tree resting on the highest branches. Everyone screamed in terror.

I looked at the pastor’s wife. She had a large apple, in her hand. She proceeded to throw it. But instead of throwing it at the iguana, she tossed it straight up into the air.

I watched it go up, and as it fell, I placed my hand out to catch it. When I had it firmly in my hand, I drew my arm back and threw as hard as I could. I hit the iguana, and it fell out of the tree and died.

Everyone’s fear was immediately gone and replaced with a feeling of peace.

As I said, this dream I had in 1993. Almost 20 years ago. 

Now, after I had that dream, I was troubled. What did it mean? I knew what I was dealing with on a personal level, in that church. And it involved the leadership and a lot of drama.

One day we were having a church picnic, at the beach. As I was watching all the strange behavior’s of the people involved in this dream, the most bizarre of all, was what I would say the Lord used to shake me up.

A man was walking past all of us with an iguana. As one of the people asked him to stop, she said, “May I hold it?” As she took hold of this iguana, I remembered my dream. I couldn’t believe this woman, who was very involved in this mess, was now standing before me, petting and cuddling this iguana. It was so bizarre, that this in itself, seemed like a dream.

Now the Lord told me, to remember the details of this dream. When I returned home, I opened my journal and read. This iguana, symbolized, something. The Lord revealed to me that it was, “Deception.” The Lord revealed that this woman was, “embracing deception.”

Next, I thought of the division, caused by, ‘deception.’ As this spirit ran through the crowd, terrifying everyone.

I thought of the ‘apple.’ Which I realized, has always been implicated in the fall of man. Apple, would be symbolic of ‘sin.’ And in my dream, the pastors wife seemed to have the power to address this spirit, but, she allowed it to rule.

So, after the apple was tossed up, it then fell into my hands. I didn’t hesitate. I landed the fatal blow. I realized I couldn’t wait, or this sin, would not only destroy me, but everyone else. This is what ‘deception’ will do.

Well, we know that deception is just another name for Satan and his army. The Father of Lies.

Now, as I was thinking of this in a broader sense, I realized that I have since found out much more about this dream. As I look back, I realized, that was one incident. Now, I have in my hands, the ability to take him down. The Lord has given this to me. Just as He did for David. He took 5 smooth stones, but he only needed 1. Because the Lord’s power is upon me.

So now, I wait. I pray and ask Him to show me, what, when, where. It is His timing and His plan. But I know that He tests His servants, to see if they are worthy to carry out the plan. It means we must die to ourselves. If we begin to ’embrace deception,’ the plan is rendered powerless. We must totally surrender to our Father’s will. Seek Him. It is a plan to deliver all men from evil. Not just some. And no one can earn this great gift.

It is ours by grace. When ‘deception’ falls and dies, our lives are resurrected. The scales will fall from our eyes, and we will see clearly. And we will not see a horror in a tree, but, Jesus Christ. The one who gave His life on a tree, for us! There’s nothing more amazing, or more beautiful than this!

The Seer Anointing


Flygurlual's Blog

“Jesus Wept.” The shortest verse in scripture, yet one of the most powerful.

When you read the account it is at the time of Lazarus death. Mary and Martha, sent word to Jesus, who was with his disciples. He was told that Lazarus was sick.

Yet upon hearing these words, Jesus “stayed for three more days.” He then told his disciples that,” Lazarus is already asleep and I must wake him.”

Of course the disciples thought Jesus was speaking of the natural and He had to tell them plainly,” Lazarus is dead.”

People question the reasons for Jesus, remaining behind when reading this story. First, Mary and Martha send word that, “the one you love is sick.” This certainly indicates a strong relationship between Jesus and Lazarus.

Also, people wonder at these two powerful words. “Jesus Wept.” Why did Jesus deliberately take His time, knowing that his good friend was…

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