Dr Jesus Please Heal Me


Today was a hard day. They begin to blend together. One heartache after another. I find myself going off to cry quietly.
Because the flu is going around, it’s easy to pretend I have a touch of something.
My son is home educated, so I don’t have the benefit of hiding.

I’ve had sadness with my daughter. She seems like she’s slipping away from me. I feel as if I’m holding on by a thread.
I committed to pray for my children, and her especially. I told the Lord each morning as I ran on my treadmill, I would commit myself to fervent prayer.
Asking Him to “bring my daughter back from captivity. To do “whatever it takes.” Knowing perfectly well, that God hears me, and I probably won’t like the suffering involved. But I also know it’s my love for her and my responsibility for her soul, that causes me to plead with Him.

I received a sign from Him. Her life is beginning to unravel, and I ended up going to the doctor. I sprained my ankle. Yes, that’s right, on the treadmill.
Never remembering how I twisted it or turned it. I was in pain. I realized that I had been running so hard and pushing myself physically, but also spiritually.
Crying out in anguish and now my ankle is a constant reminder of her. My little girl.

Dealing with my mother is difficult as well. I received a call from the senior facility to ask me if she was going to be coming. They said that they have a spot for her but she would lose it if she doesn’t come.
She went twice, and then adamantly refused to go any more.
I was trying to brainstorm with the administrator, when I remembered how she had responded to her doctor after refusing to take her medication. I told her that I had the idea to tell him, “if he would tell her to take them, she would listen.”
It worked like a charm. He simply looked at her and said, “Honey, listen. You have to take your medicine for me, okay?” She looked at him and said, “Okay, until I go back to Wisconsin, I will.”
The doctor and I both looked at each other and smiled.

When I told the woman this, she said, “Maybe you should try that and have some male pretend to be  her doctor or something.” I said, “Yes, I think I can come up with something.”
I went to my son, and asked him to be the doctor. He was going to have a script which I would make for him and he would call my phone. I would give the phone to her and take it from there.
As I handed him the script, I had to make a few corrections-“oh, have to change that,” I said. It said, “Your daughter,” and she no longer recognizes that I’m her daughter.

I told her that her doctor had called and he would be calling back. “What is it about?” She asked. “Oh, I don’t know. He said he had something to speak with you about. “Oh, I hope I don’t have to go and see him,” she said.
As my son was coming down the stairs with his script and his phone he said, “Oh, I should get time for this under ‘Extra Curricular Activity, called conning the elderly!” At this I started laughing and could barely contain myself as I listened to him calling my phone.

Because I was in the threshold, I could hear his voice in the living room and on my phone. I really had to work hard to suppress a laugh, as I handed the phone to my mom. I looked and also noticed his picture coming up on the phone so, I carefully handed it to her. She had a hard time holding “these new phones,” anyway, so I stuck it up to her ear. “It’s your doctor,” I said.
“Oh!” She sounded excited. As I listened to him carefully reciting the words, I couldn’t help but think how ingenious this seemed. I even put references about her move to Wisconsin.”
“Yes, I noticed that your blood pressure is pretty high, on the tests I have.” The doctor said. “I understand you are planning to move back to Wisconsin and before you do this, we need a plan to get you healthy. I am authorizing one day a week at a center for you to speak with a nutritionist and get some exercise.”
I heard her say, “Oh yes, but I can’t move back yet. I have to wait until it’s warm.”
Now in a normal conversation, Dr. so-and-so would respond to that. But my son, not willing to deviate from the script, continued as if he was an automated phone message.
It did surprise me, however, to know that she really doesn’t want to go as much as she pretends.
At the end of the message he asked to speak to me. As I took the phone I continued on as if he was giving me more instructions. My son just making sounds once in a while.
After I hung up, my mom said, “I like that doctor. He’s so nice!”
I told her that this would be a day available to her to give her the physical and nutritional help to get her strong.
She was actually excited about this.
I called the administrator back and told her what we did. She laughed so hard and said, “And the Academy Award goes to….”

Later, as I was speaking about my grief at the situation with my daughter, my mother said, “It has to be so hard. You love her so much. She’s your daughter. I think that would be so hard, if I had to deal with that with my daughter.”
“Yes,” I thought. It would be hard. But the fortunate thing is that, she has dealt with many heartaches, including these with her daughter. She just doesn’t know it.
She looked so sweet again, as she said, “It will be okay. She’s a good girl.” I remembered her saying that all my life. Every time there was a crisis.”It will be okay.”

I thought of my daughter when she was young. She started getting warts on her feet. My stepson had them on his hands and they are very contagious. When he showed her the surgery he had to remove them, she was terrified.
I made a comment that, “I’ll have to take her to the doctor.” When she heard this she screamed. “No! Please mommy! I want Dr. Jesus to heal them!” She was crying at the thought of someone cutting her. She was so young. About 4 or 5. I felt so convicted at her words.
“Wow,” I thought. I haven’t even prayed about this. So I asked her if she really believed He could heal her. “Yes,” she said. “Okay, we’re going to pray.”
I put some oil on her feet as I prayed along with her.
The very next day, I noticed a miraculous thing, which had me rubbing my own eyes in bewilderment. It looked like little chalk specks on her feet. Every place which had a wart, or one just starting, just turned to powder. I began touching those little feet, and saw them drop off! I was amazed. But I remembered the Lord’s words, that “it is your faith which make you whole.”
My pastor commented, “If she has this kind of faith now, can you imagine what she’ll be like when she’s older?”

I keep standing on His promises for her life. I now feel the incredible pain which the Prodigal Father had felt, when his son went out of his home into darkness.
The hurt and concern attached to his well-being. I’m praying that I will also experience the joy of restoration.
With every painful step I take, I pray, Dr. Jesus please heal us!

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My Father, Who Is In Heaven


He came for the sick

He came for the sick

When I pray this, I am addressing my heavenly father and my earthly father. It has become so personal to me and I have a picture of my father whenever I come before my heavenly father.

The longing in my heart is to see him again and to bring honor to him. I see all the little details of my life, woven together to form the fabric of my story. The purpose of my life. Defined by God, before my birth. It has taken me a while to see the calling and the plan. But I know that all of this pain is bringing me to the final conclusion. His promises are, “that all these things will work together for my good.”

I know that when we surrender our lives to Christ, we have been ransomed from the grave. I was bought with His blood. My life no longer belongs to me. But He is at work in me and through me.

I don’t represent myself on this earth, but Him. So though “I am in this world, I am not of this world”. I cannot be purchased by the material, since I’ve already been purchased by something which is more valuable than anything in this world. His blood.

Because of this, I don’t desire to have recognition or wealth. My desire is to fulfill His will for my life. This means to honor my father, even in his grave. Yes, I’ve screwed up many times. I’ve had my heart breaks and tantrums. I’ve screamed at my heavenly Father, “take this away! I don’t want it!” I’ve told Him, like the Israelites, “I was better off in Egypt.” The pain of these experiences have left me feeling abandoned and rejected. So much sorrow, that I can relate to His experience on the cross. I understand that cry of anguish, “Daddy, where are you? Why have you left me?” Sure, maybe Christ didn’t use this vernacular, but the meaning was the same.

My dad was a man who had faithfully served his country and his company. In the end of his tormented life, he was robbed by both. The only joy he had left was his job and his family. Now it had abruptly come to an end, by his own hand.

I certainly couldn’t find any good which could come from this. But then again, when most people looked to the cross and our Lord’s crucifixion, I’m sure they thought the same. I’m sure that at the time, His disciples looked to His death as the end. That Satan’s plan had succeeded. But the end is only for those who have no hope.

This was really the beginning. Our Lord told us that this is His very name. “The Alpha and Omega-The Beginning and the End.” Yes, now I am starting to understand how profound this message really is to mankind.

First, I had to go through these trials to comprehend the depth of His love for all of us. I had to let go of fear and pain and learn to trust My Father. He reminded me that, Christ did not come into this world to condemn us, but that through Him, we might be saved.”

Saved from what? Well, if I rounded up everyone who had brought harm to my earthly father and brought about this suffering, there wouldn’t be a prison big enough to contain them. As the heart of man is full of corruption, what purpose does prison serve? Besides being a drain on taxpayers, it only makes criminals worse.

No, our Lord told us that, “we are anointed to set the captives free.” But this is not by the laws of man. The law does not make one free. As Paul so eloquently stated in scripture, “Until the law was given, I had no desire to sin.”

As I pursued lawyer after lawyer. One law enforcement official after another, to bring justice, I realize that man cannot offer the justice I seek. “One man cannot give his life for another.” This is not going to bring honor to my father or peace to him. Because we are in a corrupt world, our whole system is designed to reward criminals and punish the innocent. It is contrary to our God.

Our Lords plan is always redemptive. His life for ours. He told us, “that the punishment that was meant to bring us peace, was upon Him.”  This is not restoration, or reformation. These things are temporary and without power. But it is regeneration, which only comes by the power of the Holy Spirit of God. The same breath that our Lord breathed into Adam. This is only accessed through our true repentance and the acknowledgement of His sacrifice.

So I pray to my heavenly father, “That His will be done, on this earth as it is in heaven.” As I do this I believe I am bringing honor to my earthly father, and in due time, my Lord will bring forth a harvest.

So, with this in mind, I step out in faith. I allow Him to direct me in the plan. I pray that “He would open doors which no man can shut, and close doors that no man can open.” All with the complete faith that He is drawing the final harvest to a close. I am part of His plan and I am blessed to be His  partner. In the end, whatever it takes, I pray I that I make both of my father’s proud.

You Have Disappointed Me


The Lord longs to show you compassion

This is His word to us

“The Lord is full of grace and mercy and He longs to forgive.”

It’s amazing, what a simple message this is, yet so powerful. We are not like Him. He tells us this. And yet I read and hear stories about someone falling from grace, every day.

Yet, this is not true grace. It’s only our human standards, subject to change with each person’s rules. It is not an absolute standard of righteousness. Where does this absolute standard originate, if we are so subjective in our judgments? Yes, this is the question that comes to each of us at some time or another. Moral codes. And why don’t the animals have them as well? Is there a such thing as murder, incest, rape, in the animal world? So, we can already acknowledge that humans have a moral code and it has been placed within us. “For since the creation of the world, His invisible qualities, have been clearly seen, His eternal power, His divine nature-have been clearly seen, being misunderstood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.” (Romans 1:20)

Today the sex scandal and tomorrow, something else. What do we expect? We are fallen beings, living in a corrupt world. We are subject to temptations every day, and what is the source of power to overcome?Or shall I say, Whom? It is not going come from a man-made system of religion. This story shows yet another person, trying to become sanctified by a form of religion and sinning at the same time, while pointing the finger at others. A perfect example of the Lords word to us, “Be careful how you judge, lest you be judged by the same measure, you use.”

Oh, I know, we all have done it. There is always someone, worse than myself. However, God does not look at things the same way, as we do. The sacrifice of our Lord, meant and open curtain between us and the Father, for us all. But in so doing, and this is the rub, we first must acknowledge that we just aren’t as good as we think we are. Yep, that’s the difficult part. How can we acknowledge this, if we are yet looking at someone else and saying, “I’m not as bad as that guy!”

This story in the news, is the same as all I have heard this past year. Sex scandals, drugs, greed. I watched the evening news the other night and the title was, “Who has disappointed us the most in 2009?” The mere title, gives the impression that we, have some courtroom and sit as the judges of all mankind. We know that judges in the courts, are also sinful men, as we have seen in our own government. No one is immune to this ‘sin disease.’

So, who are we to say that “We are disappointed?” I had a pastor state, that if God told us, “Listen, I’m going to pick 20 minutes of your life and show it to the world.” We would be hysterical about this. Wouldn’t we want to choose the portion that denotes all of our ‘good behavior? But if God told us, I will be the one to decide. I’m betting we would have the ACLU standing at the door!

I mean who does this ‘God” think He is? Violating my rights, like this! If He does this, it will show the world that I am just like them and then I will lose my self-appointed right to judge others by my standards!

Yes, this is it, isn’t it? It’s all about rights. I had someone speak to me recently about the rights of a person, and the person, she was speaking of, is in prison.  At some point, even in this world system of laws, we can lose our rights. Or a better explanation is that we choose, to give them up.

But while we decide, who’s rights have been trampled, we need to stop, and look at the cross. A man, who had done no wrong, died because He gave up His rights for us,. And He willingly did this, for the ones who could not be right in any way, shape or form, no matter how hard we tried.

As I read this story in the news bout this “scandalous woman,” I noticed that she  gave money to her church, which her sister pastored. I’m betting, she thought she was ‘buying some grace,’ to elevate herself. For some reason, we still try to assume God is like man. He can be bribed, to turning a blind eye to our deeds. This is mans way of doing things. Empty religion.

The Lord tells us, “They worship me with their lips, but their hearts, are far from me. The hold to a form of religion, but deny my power.”

Of course, this is a picture of everyone, before we reach the true understanding, of how sick all of us really are. This is why Jesus Christ, the great physician, has come. He came for the sick, not the healthy. And my joke has always been, “that if a man thinks he’s healthy…he the sickest of all!”

Every day, I must remind myself, I am sick, in need of the physician. When we lean on Him, and not our own strength, we allow the Lord to take these burdens. He will give us the strength to overcome. The law of sin and death is inherent, in every human being, and therefore, our choice will always be to follow our flesh…that is until we turn to the Lord. We just cannot turn from sin, before we accept Him, to be our master and savior.

When a person falls, and they are ‘shamed,’ I believe that they are closer to the truth, than most. It is this discipline that the Lord speaks about. “He disciplines those that He loves.” He also tells us, “be sure to know that your sin will find you out.” Oh haven’t I experienced that thousands of times in my life?

It isn’t pleasant, and it has caused some, to even jump from the tallest buildings, however, if you listen carefully, this is probably the Lord bringing you to a place of submitting. It is His love allowing this uncovering. What feels like punishment is His perfect love. “Fear has to do with punishment, but perfect love, casts out all fear.” He wants you to know this perfect love.

If you are reading this, yes, He’s speaking to you. You are not so great as you think you are. You think that you are better? Yes, so did I. You think perhaps, because you haven’t ‘killed anyone,’ or ‘raped anyone,’ that you have a loophole? Or perhaps you have raped or killed. Well, God wants all of us. He loves us and He knows that the reason we do terrible things is because we are trying to live without him. He wants all of His children to know Him and once we realize it is His blood that He shed, to allow us in we are forgiven. He tells us that “as far as the east is from the west, I will remember you sin no more.” (Psalm 103:13)

I had an interesting discussion the other day about those words. The Lord did not say, “the North from the South, because one we reach the North Pole we start to go south again, but East is always East and West is always West. It is infinity…and where our sins are cast when repentance comes to us.

But what about you? What is the Lord speaking to you this day? Are you finding yourself, disappointed in world leaders, or the idols of the world? Have they “let you down,” because you had the false hopes that someone achieved a ‘god status?’ Well, stop being disappointed. Only God can be this for you. And He is reaching out to grab you in you quietest moments. When you are alone with no one else, He is speaking to you. The Lord tells us that “No one, can come to me, unless the Father who sent me, draws him, and I will raise him up on the last day.” (John 6:44) “So as the Holy Spirit says, “Today, if you hear His voice, do not harden you hearts.” (Hebrews 3:7,8)

This is your day, the first day, whether great or small, it makes no difference to the Lord, for He is no respecter of men. Turn to Him, and let Him be your rock and your shelter. He will never disappoint you!

Jesus Loves You….And So Do I!