The Cantankerous Crossing Guard


This kid is looking for trouble!

This kid is looking for trouble!

As I drove my son to school this morning, we  were chatting.

He was trying to eat a bowl of sugary, frosted flakes without milk and drink a glass of orange juice. Never mind that he has ample time to do this at a table. He seems to like to grab as he goes. It’s a common theme in my house, since I have been a flight attendant for most of my life. And as everyone knows, we can only eat while standing since so much of our time has been devoted to eating in galleys on airplanes.

As I watched him stuffing the dry flakes into  his mouth, I said, “you know I saw a show the other day and they said that a bowl of cereal like that is equivalent to eating about 6 chocolate chip cookies for breakfast.”  “So?” This was his response, “And your point is?” I started to laugh as if it just dawned on me, that I was not conveying this important health fact to a friend of mine, but to an 11-year-old boy. I’m sure he would have much rather had the chocolate chip cookies. They sure would have been a lot easier for him to handle in the car.

Next, I drove a few more blocks and had to sit in the line that attempts to merge together with oncoming traffic. We must make our turns into the school driveway and I have to leave my house  30 minutes early for this, even though I’m 5 minute’s from the school.

“There she is,” I tell my son. “The cantankerous crossing guard. She’s probably going to stop me again, like she did that one morning, to reprimand me, since she had not yet stepped her foot back onto the curb.” Never mind that I have watched countless others doing the same thing. I also thought it humorous that she had to walk a longer distance to me, just to say something, than to get onto the curb. She seemed to single me out as she approached with her Stop sign that day. I told her, “everyone has crossed.” “Yes, but I’m still in the street!” Hmm, now I wait until she’s done and I watch to confirm that indeed, she had it out for me.

“Hey,” I said to my son. “Did I ever tell you about my brush with fame?” “No.” “Well, when I was in elementary school, I was a crossing guard. That’s right, a Lieutenant. My friend Romaine, was the Captain. Of course there were only two of us, but we were powerful. When I put on that orange belt, (Romaine’s was yellow) I commanded attention.

“I caught all kinds of kids trying to walk against the light and sometimes they even tried to jaywalk!” At this my son just started cracking up! All kinds of flakes flying in my car.All I could think of was, that I would have to deal with kids like him every morning. All jacked up on that cereal with the equivalence of 6 cookies, along with their syrupy orange juice. That combined with the rebellious parents that refuse to stay put, even with my stop sign, made me cringe. I’m starting to feel a little bit sorry for this woman. Gee, I hope I can get the WalMart Greeter job, instead of this, I thought.

Of course, this job did offer greater perks. In my day I didn’t get to hold a stop sign,Oh! That would have been the greatest. This must be the updated uniform. But then, the ‘cantankerous crossing guard,’ doesn’t get to wear the belt. Perhaps that is just what she needs to get respect.

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Signs, Signs, Everywhere A Sign!


Cantankerous Crossing Guard

Cantankerous Crossing Guard

I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help myself! I tried to get a closeup of my friend, but it wasn’t easy, that with trying to scedaddle out of the cross walk before she came over and hit me with that ominous looking sign. OK, I admit, I did edit the photo a bit, but point is, this crossing guard is scary!  I’m almost thinking that this would be an excellent Halloween costume! I actually think she was smiling as I took her picture, but now I’m wondering if it is that kind of cynical smile a serial killer has when he’s about to pounce. I drove as fast as I could after snapping this one off, well, that is as fast as the school zone would allow.

She’s now ‘teamed up’ with the extremely heavy motorcycle cop. I affectionately call him, “Krispy Kreme.” I also had a ‘run in’ with him.  Oh, I know what you’re thinking, “I must be some kind of trouble maker.” I had parked across the street from my son’s school a few years ago,  to get out of the car and get him a snow cone.  There were people parking in this are and no where was a sign posted that there was  “No Parking.” And after all, it was a school zone. The traffic was moving at about 15 miles per hour. Hey, we couldn’t help it the school kids decided to raise funds by selling the frozen concoctions right in front of the school. Perhaps they should have discussed a ‘drive-through.’ I’m sure they realized, however, that this would only take a second.

But not for me! The simple things always become complicated.  Here he comes, sauntering over just as soon as I stepped out of the car .My friend the motorcycle cop It was the first time I’d ever seen him and now I seem to see him all over the city. He told me I could not park there. As I pointed out that there were others there and I was going about 10ft to buy a snowcone and leave, he dryly stated, “If you do this I will have to give you a ticket. ”

I pointed out that no where did it state that a person couldn’t park in this spot and since others had been parking there, he should be a little forgiving. Nope, it wasn’t happening with Lord Krispy Kreme, and I was sent packing, to the wails of my son, “Mommy! Go down the street and park! I just want to get a snowcone!”

Even my young  sons cries did not move this cold hearted cop. “No, I told him, this day, you cannot have one of those snowcones, because the officer won’t let me stop!” The worst part of the whole incident is that while he was holding me up, several other parents were doing the same. This was exactly like the crossing guard! I swear these two know each other and are looking for my car!

At any rate, I called and spoke to the department about his rudeness, and was told that I most certainly could have parked in that spot. So, whenever I see him, I secretly hold my grudge against the cruel cop that wouldn’t let a little boy get a snowcone! lol

Perhaps I’ll get a pic of him for my post one day. That is if I am not ticketed for some kind of moving violation, such as “Distraction by driver, whilst taking a drive by pic!” I wonder how many years I’d get for that.