What ‘The Tuck?’

Strike a Pose!

Ok man, Jimmy Fallon had this new pose on his show, and I just can’t let him scoop this from our managers. I have been seeing them do this one for years, and I even blogged about this one Christmas years ago. Of course, I didn’t have the name, ‘The Tuck, like The Tebow.’

I called it, “the hand-clasp,bow-stance.”  Except, unlike the football exercise, to celebrate victory, this was the mock humility which comes from a superior, approaching us to reprimand us about something absurd.

I will never forget this incident, as I came up with a whole song in my head, as it was unfolding and a guy that I was working with was rolling in laughter as I started singing it to him, on the flight. He asked for my blog so he could read the post later.

I will try to recall events, to the best of my  knowledge, as this was a blog which has been abandoned and I was so fond of that post. I still remember the supervisor. Our manager’s have the best, “Tuck, which, as I said earlier, are the first, to receive the credit, well that is, after the Asian culture. I would also like to add that in the Asian culture, it is a bow out of authentic respect. In my example, it is only to reprimand, as sort of, submissive appearance.

Here’s the story; I had been wearing a Christmas sweater. It was Christmas.We were told we could wear a ‘tasteful holiday sweater.

A manager approached me in a hall a few days before Christmas. She grabbed her hands in anxiety and did the classic ‘hand-clasp,bow-stance, or ‘The Tuck,’ as it now football jargon. She began, in trembling voice, “I would be remiss if I did not speak to you.” I looked at her, waiting for her to say something very important. She spoke again, “I would be so remiss, if I didn’t speak to you right now!” She said it again. “Wow!” I thought. “This has got to be important! She stood to the side, with her hands wringing. And she said it, once more for effect, “I would be sooo, remiss, if I did not speak to you!” She said. “Oh, ok.” I said.

Now, she looked so serious, I waited, and she said, “Do you have a uniform sweater in your bag?” At this point, I thought I was going to burst out laughing, because, I was beginning to sing a little rap in my head. “We wish you a very remissmas, We wish you a very remissmas!” When she said this, I was totally caught off guard. “Ah, yes, I do. And by the way, I wasn’t wearing one of those, horrible, Jimmy Fallon, Christmas sweater’s either. It was plain black with red trim.

So, at this point, it came out of my mouth. I said, “Merry Remissmas!” I turned and went into my briefing with my crew members.I said, “Hey, I should get a picture of myself in my sweater and say Merry Remissmas to you! and send it to her.   This whole scene was hilarious and when I saw Jimmy Fallon doing this new pose, I had to say, there’s nothing new about this. I’ve seen it many times. And it is the best. But, the NFL tries to claim it, forget it man, it should have been trademarked by manager’s long ago!

Is There A Doctor In the House?

Well, I’m not sure if it’s my imagination, or people are just becoming ruder. In the last few weeks, I’ve had many experiences on the airplanes, with whining, tantrums, and self-centered behavior. And that isn’t the  babies.

A few weeks ago, a woman left her suitcase right in the aisle and sat down. As I approached to ask who owned the bag, the man in the aisle, pointed to her. He looked disgusted as well. I said, “Mam, your bag must be stowed for takeoff.” “Well,” she said, someone took all of my overhead space.” I reminded her that this is shared space, and that I had made several announcements to let people know that there was space int the next cabin. She defiantly crossed her arms, as if to say, “I’m not going to budge.” As if the man on the aisle could read my mind, he stood up. I said, “Go on.” At this she stood and took her bag up front. I saw the flight attendants, very graciously place it into the business class closet. I thought, she probably told them that I gave her the ok, to do this.

At any rate, it was taken care of. Or so I thought. After we were inflight, she came to the back. She asked for my name and the name of the other flight attendant. I asked her if I could help her with something. She claimed, “No, I’m going to file a complaint.” “Oh,” I said, “About your bag?” “Yes,” “I’ve been flying for 20 years, and someone always, takes my bag and puts it away for me.” At this I laughed. Now, this was no little old lady that needed assistance, or I’d be happy to help. She was a con artist. So, I said, “Well, that was very kind of them, but when you bring a carry-on, you are responsible for carrying it on, stowing it, and then carrying it off.”

“No!” She said, “That is your job!” I couldn’t believe my ears. “Are you serious?” I said. “That is an occupational hazard for us. We can’t lift everyone’s bags and put them away. Just a year ago, I tore my rotator cuff, and there is no way I’m lifting hundreds of people’s bags all day.” Then she said something that made me laugh even harder. “Then you go out and heal, and come back to work. I can’t help it, you are a small, weak woman!” I was just beside myself, and I wondered how long she had gotten away with this. I wanted to say, “If I’m small and weak, what’s your excuse for not lifting your own bag?”

Now I said, “Listen when you file your complaint, make sure you ask them if this is a job requirement for us. I would like to hear the response. And perhaps then you will understand.”She huffed at me, and went back to her seat. The other flight attendant’s couldn’t believe it, when I told them what she had said.

Then we had a woman with an earache, on my next flight. The woman on the aisle called the flight attendant, and said, “Isn’t there something your airline does for sick people? Like move them to First Class or something?” The flight attendant in the back told us about the conversation. We had all kinds of scenarios for interfering woman. I said, “Hey, let’s take the red/infection control bag, to the back and wrap the woman in it.” “Yea,” and we can all put on our gloves and white masks.” We were all laughing.

The purser went back to find out what was going on, and she finally asked the woman in the aisle, “Are you traveling with this woman?” “No,” She said. “Oh, because you seem so concerned,” she said. She just kept sticking her nose in where it didn’t belong. First of all, if the woman had an earache, she probably was traveling with a cold, and as I pointed out to the Purser, “the air pressure in every cabin is the same.” And the sick woman, wasn’t the one asking for an upgrade. It was the nosy woman sitting in her row. She probably wanted extra room.

Now last night, there was a couple sitting in business class. Right before the service was about to begin, the woman across the aisle from them, handed the flight attendant a note. On the note it said;”Can you page to see if there is a marriage doctor, on board? The couple across from me won’t stop arguing!”

The flight attendant, thinking she was joking, wrote on her note, “You’re kidding, right?” The woman was not. I came up to help them with their service and they told me the story. I realized that this woman was serious. And that, although the couple were having little arguments, here and there, it wasn’t loud and abusive. More like hen-pecking by the wife. I just laughed as I said, “Hey, can you imagine that announcement? If there is a marriage doctor onboard, please ring your call button. We have an emergency! There is a couple onboard having an argument, and it may cause the woman next to them, to have stress-related illness.”

I wondered at the terrible behavior I’ve seen. I’ve always said, “We can avoid 99% of the problems in this world, if people stopped minding other people’s business.” Now I’m not talking about serious issues, where someone needs to get involved. But it seems some people just create drama, wherever they go. And more often than not, it happens on airplanes.

Last night a woman was in the last row, with her two children. She let these toddlers make all the decisions, for everything. I see future, bad-mannered, adults, coming down the pike. Then she took all her trash, and stuffed it on the floor,under her seat. My flying partner and I, surmised that her home, is probably like this, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see her on an episode of, ‘Hoarders, Buried Alive!’

I wonder if it really is a change because of the confined space. Or the air pressure. I have seen it all, but lately the common courtesies, are not very common.

I know a flight attendant with a blog that addresses these very issues; He is The SkySteward.And He writes about, Jetiquette. Yes, it is very useful information. However, what I said about therapy patients, holds true in this case too; Sane people go to therapy to learn how to deal with the crazy people around them. Crazy people don’t think they’re crazy, so you’ll never see them going to the therapist. (Unless a court order) Which doesn’t count. By the same token, rude, ill-mannered people, would not be reading information on etiquette, and common social graces. Because they have none, and yet they don’t realize that what they are doing is rude.

So, with that in mind, read the info, so you’re prepared when you come across these folks. Perhaps take copies with you, to hand out. I personally think, it would be nice to have a little booklet, addressing these issues, in the seat-pocket. Now wouldn’t that be fun? And as your reading your copy, the rude person next to you, who loves to be observant and read over your shoulder, will be able to read about themselves! Yes, that could probably one of the last pages, so they can get the full benefit of the text. Like, “Rule Number 10. Never, ever, read over another person’s shoulder. It is similar to eavesdropping. An invasion of privacy.”At this point you may look right into their eyes. That should be effective.

Oh, yes, and as I’m sitting here in the gate area, I am reminded of a huge pet-peeve, for many of us, non-revenues, commuting home. It’s the people that wander up to the gate, with food and coffee, 5 minutes before departure, and ask, “Are you boarding?” What is that all about? Don’t they read their itinerary? Don’t they realize TSA, has control issues of their own? And if they choose to go through your stuff, well, game over. And then they get through security and stop to get food? Many of us commuters, have been walking down jetbridges, or on airplanes, only to be pulled off last minute, because someone got out of bed late.

Just a few minutes ago, a guy got his boarding pass with 10 minutes to spare and asked, “Can’t I just go get a paper?” All of us looked at each other in amazement.The agents said, “No sir! We’re ready to leave!” He argued, “It’s right over there!” I was thinking, this guy has a lot of nerve. And what is going to change in that paper between now and when he lands. Besides, there’s broadcast news on the plane. Once again, “It’s a dollar waiting on a dime.”

I’m just growing weary of the whole, “entitlement’ attitude. I found one simple word to put an end to all of this nonsense. And it’s a word that, rude, arrogant people, have not heard enough. “NO.” It’s simple and to the point. It’s a solution to ending ‘world rudeness.’ And it’s  a universal word, that everyone understands.

Have a great holiday, and don’t let those Grinch’s,  ruin your travel plans!!!!

Ode To the Flight Attendants Bill of Rights



It was Christmas and  all through the night, the cooking the cleaning to make everything bright.
Now, the day has arrived but because I am flight crew, I can’t just, ‘sit down’, I must call, Jet Blue!
Yes, that’s right, this is Christmas, but I must not forget! Naughty or Nice, matter’s not, I Must be on this list!
I have a trip the next day and I cannot be late. This is the one thing, that  Scrooge,will not tolerate!
How did I do it? I wonder sometimes? I must have some angels working overtime.
On a perfect eve, I would have checked in, in advance. Drat, it didn’t work.
I won’t leave this to chance.
I was taking my friend home and the decision was made, I would swing by the airport and check in that day.
I arrive at the counter and empty it was. I was listening to the agents, as they quietly, ‘buzzed.’
“They’re canceling flights, for this terrible storm. It’s Big, It’s Ferocious, It isn’t the Norm!”
Hmmm, As, I spoke with the agent, I inquired, “Could this really be true? An airline so consistent, to cancel all flights as Jet Blue?”
“Oh, yes, she assured me, tis true!”

“Well, then there is only one answer, for me,” A storm, such as this, to cause such a fright. There’s nothing to do, but to go out tonight!”
I went back to my home and all through my fortress, the calmness and comfort, was now under duress!
Oh, do you think Mr. Scrooge knows what we do? No, and even if he did, he doesn’t care! Boo-hoo!
I finally made sure all the left-overs were packed up with care. Making sure my family was taken care of, while I wasn’t there.
Once again, I returned to the airport and found, nothing was happening, it seemed not a sound.
It was hard to believe, that this talk could be real.  I wondered to myself,what is the big deal?
I got on my flight with no fan fare at all. Wide open. But I was glad the next morning, that I heeded the call.
The flights started canceling early that morning, and I was sure glad,that I heard that dire warning.
Now I was working my flight, and we taxi ‘d out twice. Thank God, I said, for that Passenger’s Bill of Rights.
 I saw that snow, falling hard and sticking, and I sure wasn’t liking it while that clock was ticking.
The runways, closed, all but one; and it happened to be our flight, and I was praying for “Done.!”
We just happened to be flying with “St.Nick,” on that flight. I told him in briefing he was our bright light!
I offered my work to our “Scrooge Desk,” while there. They told me, “No worries, we’ll just use our 35 spares!”
What 35 spares? May I ask? 
New York is declared a “State of Emergency” This could be quite a task!
To tell them to come, when we are here now. This isn’t right. I’m sure they thought, I was the one who wasn’t bright.
Sure enough. Here he came. The poor guy told his story. 4 hours it had taken, from Brooklyn to get here. No excuse he been given, “he been scrooged,” not forgiven.
They have no mercy, he shlepped his bag through ice and snow. 3 busses and walking, no matter how cold.
He got there at 4, to find out his flight didn’t leave til next morning. No call given. Oh, no such warning.
Oh, yes, that’s right!!!! I jumped to my feet, and made such a clatter! My flying partners had to ask, What is the matter?
I answered, There is something missing here!!!!! The Silence is SO LOUD ITS DEAFENING!!!!!
Yes, there has one in place, for many years, and come about through many fights.
 Oh yes, there is a Santa Clause!!!!! Yes, Yes, Yes!
I told them, we’re the ones with the power to make this happen, but we must take a stand.
But it has been corrupted by those who are holding the reigns, and they are not Santa, no, they think we are slaves.
Now,  I said to my flying partners,
When you think about this, who are the only ones you haven’t heard from at all?????
 In a dire circumstances, the ones who must answer our call? Aren’t they the ones who we pay to protect us?
Now I don’t want to be so negative, but here’s the real rub, I’m going to be paying even More, for my dues in this club!
Oh yes, to maintain their position, they make all kinds of noise, with a clickety clacket.
But where I come from, we call this a Racket.
Have you guessed the answer to this riddle????
That’s right, it’s the union. The one,  which is supposed to represent its members.
It’s not Santa’s elf….not not that little. It is a magnum force,but not larger than ours.
If we stand together, we become the POWERS!
So come on, David, and Reggie, and Albert, and Mitchell.
St.Nick and Jackie, and Samantha stop bitchin! Let’s stand up let our voices be strong. Especially when it comes to the ranks of our own.
That union is inside, out. Meant to look, mean and menacing, But they’re the ones who do harm, by they’re lack of representing.
Mayor Bloomberg was slow to respond? Yes and now he is apologizing.
Well, maybe the union should take a lesson from him. The patience of people is wearing thin.
Now the Grinch has stolen from many, but he will steal no more, if only men will finally learn, in the end he has in store.
Nothing, for greed cannot satisfy, those who seek, Christmas is in the heart.
And even Scrooge did find this out.
So, stop and think about the end, and what this life is all about.
Jesus Is the Reason For the Season!
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!!!