Give Me Your “Throwaway’s”


As I was speaking about my brother to someone one day, he said, “Well you know most people consider people like him, as “a throwaway.” This infuriated me. The mere thought, that he could be referred to in this manner. Yet, I know, that it is true. Once, these beautiful souls become, “Wards of the State,” you cannot imagine the horror’s that await them.

The elderly, the orphans, and the mentally challenged. All require protection and the exploitation, which is taking place is unimaginable. And it’s only detected by someone with a watchful eye. But someone with a heart of compassion. Not too many, I have sadly found, have this heart.

But, in the end, I am happy to take the “throwaway.’s. I’m just making sure that what belongs to them is returned, so they receive the care that they deserve.

One thing that these greedy people have never taken into account, in their schemes, is there is a supreme God, and that He is the one who holds all things in account. He has His people on this earth, working out His plans. He has people filled with His spirit. We see things which the average person does not see.

This is why He tells us that His plans are not worked out through “Might,nor power, but by His Spirit.” No man can put a stop to what He is doing. It has already been accomplished.

As frustrated as I become, at times, I must remind my own mind of this. That, “His kingdom, shall come, and His will , shall be done, on this earth, as it is in heaven.” My job is to just be obedient to His plan. As much as I hurt inside at the pain, I know the outcome.

I also know that His suffering was great and if He was, “a man of sorrows,” I am the bride of Christ, so I would also be “filled with suffering.”

But one day, “He will wipe every tear from my eyes.” All I can say is, He is going to need a huge Kleenex for this, because I’m filled with tears. Some nights, I lie in my bed and almost can’t wait, to close the door, to be alone, just to cry. I hurt for so many others. It’s not for myself. It’s the pain of my brother,my mother, my daughter, my father. Everything, that hurts comes pouring out like a river, and I feel as if I’m walking with a fire inside of me.

I truly understand the meaning of our seeing the Lord face to face, when He utters the words, “Well done, my good and faithful servant, enter into your rest.” I don’t know that feeling until that day.

But, my feeling of compassion for the hurting in this world is so strong.I see them, crushed by the system. And one day it is coming to an end. Babylon will fall.

Now I was reading about her demise this morning. She is a picture of greed and adultery. All the merchants of the earth and the powerful people, who had refused to let go of their associations with her. The Lord issues warnings to all, to “come out of her.” I have been instrumental in being part of this warning to agencies as well.”

There are government agencies which have become corrupted, which we have seen. They have exploited God’s people, and taken that, which does not belong to them. Now the Lord is issuing His call. “Come out of her my people so that you will not share in her sins, so that you will not receive any of her plagues; for her sins are piled up to heaven.

and God remembered her crimes.

Give back to her as she has given; pay her back double for what she has done. Mix her a double portion from her own cup. Give her as much torture and grief as the glory and luxury she gave herself.

In her heart she boasts, “I sit as a queen; I am not a widow, and I will never mourn. Therefor in one day her plagues will overtake her; death, mourning and famine. She will be consumed by fire, for might is the Lord God who judges her.”

Now, if you continue to read, you will see, that this is the beginning of fallout for this great nation and I am seeing this with my own eyes. There are some out there who happen to know exactly how this is playing out. We all have the playbook. It’s in His Word.

The little things which people skipped over in scripture are sometimes the most important. When the Lord was being challenged about taxes, for example; He held a coin before the Pharisees and uttered the simple words, “Render unto Cesar, that which is Cesar’s, and unto God, that which is God’s.”

For some people, they have robbed both God, and Cesar, and this is where, the Lord, is the most angry. But when they, rob, and refer to these priceless souls as discards, this is deplorable.

I’m not sure if it’s the reason I’ve always loved shopping thrift stores. But, I love to find the ‘one of a kind,’ item. This is what I see with my ‘throwaways.’ The one that is unique. No one else noticed how priceless this one is, but I did.

Yes, the coal, under so much pressure, to produce this priceless diamond. And now I can see the different facets and the light of beauty created by this intense heat and pressure.

I don’t want what everyone has. I want what cast off. What you deem as useless. I want to see what the Lord can do, so that I can say, He did this. So that I can’t boast, but that the glory of the Lord can shine through that vessel.

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“I Make All Things New!” Jesus Christ


 
I received news of my aunts passing, early this morning. It was mixed emotions which I had. She had created turmoil in our lives, yet the Lord does use all of these experiences to “work together for good.”
As a child who had experienced, much pain and separation, at such a young age, this particular aunt was the one, whom I held the biggest grudge. That is, until I became a believer, and the Lord healed my heart.
Yes, I was a small child, when I was thrust into an adult world. She was the last stop before the final ‘stripping away,’ of everything and everyone, I held close.
She would scream and yell at me, when I lived with her for a very brief time. I became the scapegoat for everything which was wrong in her life. I had just lost my young brother, and even though, it was quite traumatic for me, somehow I could take the blame for this as well,
I didn’t clean the house enough, I didn’t love my father enough, I didn’t help my mother enough. I had supernatural powers, which every child believes, when they suffer this kind of loss. We take all the weight of the world and bear it for the adults.
Of course, I had no idea, that this aunt had some problems. I internalized everything she said to me.
When decision was made, not to care for us, but to place us in a Children’s Home, I believed that was my fault as well.
Surely, there must be a reason, for all of this.
I shared the quarters with children, who had been physically abused. Some still wet the bed in their teens. Other’s just abandoned. How would I know that I didn’t deserve this special punishment?
My mother, was ill, and she was furious to find out that her own children, seemed to be ‘tossed out,’ like yesterdays garbage.
Yet, her sisters had no idea, what to do, and they didn’t understand the tenacity, which my mother had. This event made her more determined than ever, to recover.
 
Now, as I said, I did not process things as an adult would, so I had no idea, that this aunt had serious issues as well. All I knew, was that I was angry. All the terrible things she spoke to me, and the cruelty of her behavior, only exacerbated my anger, when I was in this home.
But the Lord “is close to those who are brokenhearted, and those who are crushed in spirit.”
Yes, it is true. I had a nurse who I remember, to this day. Rocking me in a chair as I wept, and consoling me with the words, “Your mother will return for you.”
I also remember having a Sunday School, which we went to on the grounds. I was given my very first bible at this school.  I still have it, and have read the words written on the cover many times. “Blessed are those who hear the word of God and obey, Robert, the Sunday School teacher.”
Yes, we don’t always understand the impact we are having on a young child’s life, when we say and do these things.
But God knew, that one day, He would heal my deepest hurts in a most miraculous way.
 
I became a believer, and I started to see the things which I harbored in my heart, were a stumbling block, to the transformation which the Lord was going to bring about.
I started to pray for certain people, who I knew were assigned to me in a special way. Those who had brought the deepest wounds to my soul, would be at the very top of the list. The Lord reminded me, that I may be the only one praying for these souls, and if not, then the power of combined prayer, would be even more dynamic.
As I prayed, I was reminded that it really wasn’t about, ‘how I felt.’ This enabled me to lift them up to my Father, and release the anger, I had felt.
I knew when I took a step in faith, and this being the act of my will, the emotions would follow. As I could see a changed heart, I would perceive this person differently.
Well, with this aunt of mine, the Lord brought the visual picture full circle.
She had been such a painful part of my past, when my mother had her breakdown. After losing everyone close to me, the last person in my life, who was part of the decision to place my siblings, and I, in the home, was this aunt.
How many years, did I harbor this anger and hurt? I can say, for half of my life.
Then one day, after becoming a believer, it happened. This aunt called me.
Full of fear and extremely depressed, she had come down to my area of the country. She had lost her husband, spent a lot of money, while running, and systematically, ‘cut off,’ the communication with her own siblings and children.
Now she was calling me to come and help her. She had a breakdown and she was in a residence near me.
The thought first came, “Serves her right. The exact same thing has happened to her, and now she also lost her own children, by her own hands.”
How incredible was this, I thought.
Then the voice of someone close to me spoke. “Do you really believe that any of this is a coincidence? I mean of all the places for this aunt to be, in the whole world? She’s 15 minutes away from you? And not to mention, she’s in the same situation as your mother was.
Don’t you think, that the Lord is doing something?”
As much as I didn’t want to believe it, I had no other choice. If I were to plan a revenge, this would be similar, except the part about the phone call would have been played out in a different manner.
I would have instead, answered the call and twisted the knife. “Oh, you say you had a breakdown, like my mom did? Oh,, and you have no children to help you? Oh, and now you are calling me, the one child you tormented and placed in a home, oh so many years ago? Hmmm, that’s too bad. I’m very busy.”
 
No, I knew that this was not what the Lord had planned, when He said, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay.”
I saw this as something He was doing for me. After all, I had been praying for her.
Now, I made the drive to see her. Still feeling the remnants of my childhood anger, I arrived at this little shack of a house. It held a few rooms and a cafeteria.
As I asked one of the nurses, where my aunt was, she told me she was dining in the cafeteria. She pointed to a small,, circular window.
“She’s right there!”
“I don’t understand,” I told her. “Where?”
She pointed again, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. It could have been that I was looking for the woman, who had always looked much younger than her age. Full of spunk, a full head of red hair, and wild as a young girl.
All I could see was an old woman with gray, unkempt hair. Much heavier than my aunt, sipping a spoon of soup, while hands trying to steady the shaky fingers, to her mouth, without spilling.
“That’s my aunt?” I was in shock. What had happened to her?
I realized at that moment, that I was filled with pity. I started to weep. All of the desire for any revenge, left my heart. All I wanted to do was give her a hug, and let her know everything would be ok.
Now, I realized that this was part of the Lord’s plan. Not just for her, but for me.
I sat with her, and listened to her tales woe. Knowing that she had been responsible, did not decrease my compassion. She was the ‘Prodigal Daughter,’ and I know that I have been her myself, many times.
So, I continued to grow closer to her, and pray fervently for her over the years.
I had gone up to pray for her since, finding out she had this heart condition.
I found in my bible, a prayer request listed from my church in 1989, for her salvation.
She was so blessed when I gave this to her. Just to know, I had been doing this for many years.
Yes, I have come to realize that the Lord doesn’t heal us, because we deserve it, but because we don’t deserve it.
This is true grace.
I reflected back on ‘Robert, the Sunday school teacher.’ And this experience which the Lord would one day use, for His own purposes. Who knew,if this aunt had placed me in this awful place, that I would be praying over her one day.
Yes, I am blessed.
 
Now, I heard from my cousin, yesterday, that my aunt had taken a turn for the worse.
I called and asked her caregiver, to place the phone up to her ear, so that my mother and I would be able to speak to her.
As my mother gave her words of comfort and love, I marveled at the things our Lord had done. But the ultimate healing is to be with Him. This was my message to her.
I reminisced of the fun times we’ve had and made her laugh  quite hard, as I recounted some of our experiences together. I told her to ‘hold on,’ to these funny memories, as the Lord came for her. Because it is true, the “joy of the Lord is our strength.
At about midnight, I received a message that my aunt had passed away.
I went to tell my mother, and I don’t believe I’ve ever seen my mother cry like this. Even at the loss of her mother. Perhaps it is because of the long history with her own sister, and the fact that they shared the same womb.
I held my mother again this morning and was so comforted in knowing that I am with her, when she heard this news.
Yes, this is difficult, but I can say, “Thank you,” in spite of the circumstances. For the ones, who had given to the Lord. My life has truly been changed.
I will miss her, but the one thing I do know in this life, we will see each other again. In a place where there is no pain or sorrow.
Until that time, Rest In Peace, Aunt Dottie!