The Conversion

To sit at His feet

“The Truth Shall Set you Free.” The words taped to my bathroom mirror. I placed them on it a long time ago, to remind me that I am inprisoned, and the only way to be free is to know the Truth.

I thought I knew what this scripture meant…but I did not. Not even close. It was the reason I kept crying out to the Lord for release and none would come. The suffering in the last 3 years, has grown, and I cried to Him to help me.

I just finished reading a book. Probably the best I’ve ever read, besides the bible, of course.It’s title is; The Shack. And I was soaking in my tub as I was nearing the end of this book. I was crying as I was starting to understand the picture of grace that the author had conveyed. This is when the Holy Spirit spoke to me. He told me that this book was what He was using to point out something important that I had missed. It is all about truth, yes, but the truth is….forgiveness. It is the, knowing and walking out this truth, that we are set free. Unforgiveness, imprisons us.

I was shocked as He pointed out that I hold out forgiveness to those who deserve it, but not to the ones that do not. And I am the one who decides. Which makes me the judge.

I have experienced so much injustice and pain in the past and I wanted everyone that I deemed responsible for this, to be punished. Yet, I have not wanted to acknowledge that I have been the one punished because I am imprisoned by my own failure to walk in love.

The Lord has spoken to me, “How can I convey my love and grace to the world through you, when you do this? How can anyone understand what I’ve done for them if you claim to know me and yet represent me in this way? If you truly understand the depth of my love,”That while you were still sinners, I died for you,” then you would be able to forgive anyone for everything they’ve done against you.”

Yes…this is grace isn’t it? Unmerited favor and mercy. It makes no difference what the rest of the world does, it is not an understanding that anyone can have without the Lords truth, living in them.

“Just forgive,” He tells me.” Keep forgiving and walking in this Truth, and in this, you will remain free.This is the WAY, I AM, and the TRUTH, of that understanding, will give you LIFE. And this is why these are my names. The only way to our Father’s heart.It is through this Love, that I can change the hearts of men. It is when a man knows, that he doesn’t deserve forgiveness, yet it is given, that he truly begins to understand, my love. My love is unconditional.”

“Oh….so the truth shall set you free. It doesn’t mean uncovering others. The truth is, “Love covers a multitude of sins.” It is only by loving that we truly know the Father’s grace toward us. It is not because we deserved love, that He loves us. “We love Him because He first loved us.” And it was this love that offered up His only son to redeem us. There is not love greater.

As I begin to see the picture of who I have been, I’m broken. I begin to sob as I’ve seen my own cruelty through His eyes. I am the one who had asked the Lord to allow me to impart His love to a dying world, and now to see this picture of myself, brings me such grief.

All of a sudden I begin to understand what Paul must have realized, when Christ appeared to him and revealed His pain at what Saul (Paul) had been doing. Saul, acting in what he believed to be, righteous actions and using his power, to send Christians to their death. The question that the Lord should first ask, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?” Yes, this is when Saul’s name was changed. He had the conversion and finally felt the pain of what he had done, to the Lord. The Lord gave him a new name and a new life.

But for me. I have known His love. His forgiveness. How can I be excused?

I know the answer to that…is still…His grace. His grace is extended to me and I am to become a vessel of this grace. The vessel, broken and spilled out, to others. The grace that was extended to Mary as she gave the picture of herself to us. The picture so profound, that the Lord said, “her name would never be forgotten, for what she had done.When she broke the expensive vial of Canard, and anointed our Lord. Yet this vessel does not release its fragrance until it is broken. And it is this anointing that breaks the yoke, of bondage offering us freedom.

Mary, the one who sat at Jesus feet. The “one who is forgiven much, loves much, but for those who are forgiven little, love little.”

And now I understand, “The Truth, will set you free.”

This is the truth… to love others…as He loves me. My prayer today is that He fills me as a vessel to overflow into the world around me.