Holding On To the Invisible Man

The beauty of creation

The beauty of creation

I was talking with a young girl the other day and she told me that she has a friend that is so confused. This girl I was speaking with I will call, Carol. I will refer to her friend as, Barbara.

Carol is very good friends with Barbara. However, the girl has some issues to be sure. It seems that Carol attracts obsessive types and Barbara loves to be a conduit.

Do you have any friends like this? I remember having a few friends in my life, that just wanted to hang around me because they thought I could attract more men than they could. Yes, it’s a real phenomenon. They are like ‘pilot fish.’ Always swimming next to you in the hopes that they can just take the cast-offs.

Well, Barbara became friends with a certain guy and she developed a major crush on him. He was a total scoundrel.

He only had affections, although misguided, for Carol. Now Carol didn’t even know this, since the guy never ‘let on’ that he was even remotely interested in her. This is the m.o. of obsessive types. They are having a relationship in their own mind and no one else knows about it except them.

It would be comical if it wasn’t so pathetic. They are psychopathic by nature, since they have no clear feelings toward the people they use to get to their prey. They stalk and manipulate their way into the object victims life and don’t care at all about the methods they use.

Now, Carol was telling me that she was getting the second-hand story from her friend, Barbara, about this guy and she started to detest him. He was texting Carol all the time, and emailing and whatever else he could do, just to have contact with her. He needed to keep Barbara in his life, because she was the one that was friends with Carol.

Carol told me that one day Barbara, who was totally smitten with this vermin, was cuddling with him on the couch. All of a sudden it was time for him to kiss her and he pulled away and flatly stated, “I can’t do this, I feel like I’m cheating on Carol.”

“What?!” She was furious! At this, she called Carol later and dumped everything in one big stinking heap. She was so angry that this guy could use her like this.

Carol was angrier still. “How could the guy say that? I don’t even know him and we sure aren’t involved in any way! Barbara, you need to get him out of your life,” she told her.

“I know, I just don’t know how. He’s such a good friend.” “Good friend? What kind of friend does something like that! He basically told you he’s using you!”

Carol told me that she made an agreement with Barbara to help her withdraw from this guy. She also made it quite clear that she didn’t want him to know anything about her.

I told Carol, “Don’t be surprised if Barbara has a difficult time with this, because it sounds to me, she’s allowed herself to be used many times and she doesn’t seem to mind. It’s as if any attention, is better than none at all. Then I proceeded to tell her that I’d had friends like this in my past, and they would allow themselves to be manipulated just to be in the presence of a man. It didn’t matter if they knew he was interested in me. They thought somehow that they were going to miraculously cast the magic spell that would transform them into what they wanted him to be. So you can see, they both really have the same problem. It is one of obsession and delusional thinking.

I also told Carol, to be careful, because, this girl is a parasite, and a parasite, always needs a host. She is the host and this girl needs her to go along with the plan. The only way this guy wants Barbara in his life, is if Carol is part of the package.

So, Carol told me that she deleted the guy from her Facebook. She wouldn’t answer any of his text messages and tried to ignore any phone calls.

Now it was her friend, Barbara’s turn. Well, just as I thought, Barbara was “having a hard time letting go.” “Letting go of what?” I asked. The whole thing is goofy and she’s exactly like him! He thinks he’s cheating on you, when you two have never even gone out, and she can’t let go of what she never had!” lol This is so bizarre. “She’s trying to hold on to the invisible man!” I told her.

I am fascinated at this and yet a sense of sadness comes over me at the same time. This girl and so many others that have no self-esteem whatsoever, allow men like this to abuse them in this way. It adds to the self-esteem problem and then they are even more prone to attract more of the same.

I told Carol that this girl certainly needs some therapy before she even thinks of being involved with someone.

Of course, just as I knew would happen, the guy constantly calls and leaves text messages for Barbara. “Are we ok?” he asks. “What? Now this guy just doesn’t want to take a hint and I’ve told Carol, these are not the kind of person that you can ‘hint out of your life. They must be cut-off and immediately. They must be told in no uncertain terms that you have no interest in them and never will. That their actions make you uncomfortable and you do not want to continue any kind of relationship, friendship or otherwise.

Yes, she concurred, this seems to be the only way to deal with him. “The problem is that I found out Barbara, never really told him to get lost. She told me now, she didn’t exactly tell him to go.”

“Ok, I told her, this is what I had warned you about. She has the same problem and she needs you to go along with the plan, if she is to maintain any kind of relationship with this nut. “Yea,” she’s already telling me that he’s like my Tom.” Referring to a relationship that Carol had years before when her and a guy she knew were friends, but Carol had wanted more. The guy wasn’t able to commit because he was a player, however, he and Carol have now become good friends.

I try to tell her that it’s not at all the same.” Tom never told me he was interested in another friend and was using me to get to her!” “No,” I said. But Barbara doesn’t want to hear that. She already knows it isn’t the same, however, she needs you to buy into this whole con, because you are part of the sick triangle of her obsession. If you pull out and are unwilling to cooperate, she’s lost the invisible man. Unwilling to do this, she is setting you up to be brainwashed into her sickness.

I told Carol, you are definitely going to have to be strong on this front and let her know that there is no way, no how, that you are ever going to be a part of this plan and also make sure that she doesn’t let this weirdo know where you both are going and what you are doing. Believe me, these guys are weasels, always calculating. They have nothing better to do, but to obsess and wait, stalking their prey. The best thing you can do is let him try to find another object and that can only be done by erasing yourself from his memory.

“Geesh!” I said, this guys probably got pictures of you all over his room, with a bridal gown hanging somewhere! lol Anyway, I had to think about how common this really is.

She also told me that the last time she saw the guy, he was whining about how terrible his life was. Another trait of the obsessive personality. They try to play the sympathy card constantly. They don’t care if someone is with them because of sympathy, as long as they can capture them and hold them hostage. They don’t care about you and cannot feel sympathy for anyone else but themselves. They have no concept of what they are doing to others with their sick behavior.

I remember when I was about 15 and was at a party with some girlfriends. I guess it would be the first time I realized that I was attractive to the opposite sex. I saw guys lining up to talk to me and I was amazed, since I had been so shy and unaware of my new body, which seemed to be the source of attention.

As my two gf’s came to me and said, “you have all these guys just waiting for you to talk to them! Look at you, don’t you realize what’s happening?” “No, I said, but although I liked the attention I was getting, it was a little bit scary. Then it happened. There was a guy, kind of geeky, standing in line to talk with me. As he approached, he opened with, “you are so pretty. Listen, I have a mother that has MS, and I just know she would be so proud if I came home with you! If she could see me with someone like you before she died, I know she’d be happy!”

“What?! This was outrageous and totally out of left field. Now I know I was still pretty naive, but this just didn’t make me want to go anywhere with this guy! I mean if you could use your mother in this way, whether it was true or not, totally creeped me out!”

I went into the next room with my two gf’s and told them this story. We all cracked up. I said, “This is the worst thing a guy could ever do! Doesn’t he realize that he’s the last person I’d ever want to be with?”

Apparently, this was to be a long string of creeps in my life and now I see it’s a pattern of behavior that some men learn. No matter how many times you hint and drop clues, they refuse to accept that you have no interest. Hence, the obsession. The more you say “no,” the more they hear, “at least she’s speaking to me.” It’s sick and the only solution, is NO CONTACT!

Ok, ladies…for you…You cannot hold onto what you do not have and allowing the Invisible Man to remain in your life, is only an acknowledgement that you would like to be used. GET UP OFF OF THE FLOOR, dust yourself off and get to your nearest group counseling session for obsessive women. You are going to need to break this now, or be prepared to live a life under this persons feet. You would be much better off alone and hey, wouldn’t you rather be single than listening to the whining of the sad sap that can’t get anyone except by force?

Instead being on the underside of the size 10 shoes, how about taking that “ton of bricks,” and dropping them right where they belong. Yes, there’s a nice comfortable place for them, right on top of Mr. Invisible’s empty head!