Strange Sightings in the Sky


Ok, today I had a fun crew to fly with. It also helps when you have strange encounters and we can all compare stories. First off, we had Jackson Browne on the flight.

Right in front of his seat was a couple. They looked older and I only state this because of what we witnessed. As I stood in the First Class galley,I said to the purser, “Could you please explain what that woman and man are doing right now?” She peeked around the corner, and she started laughing hysterically. The woman appeared to be asleep, with her tongue in the guys mouth! It was most bizarre. We worried then, that perhaps she was dead.

As the other crewmembers came up, one at a time, to look, we realized that Jackson Browne, probably thought we were all looking at him. Then we started to recount the sordid stories from his past. Yes, he was with Daryl Hannah, remember? Right before she was with John Jr. Remember the horrible pictures of her, after he allegedly beat her up?” One girl said, “I simply refuse to believe that.” She was the most ardent Jackson Browne fan.

Well, then we all slipped into comparing our experiences with celebrities, which was even funnier. As I said, “Yea, I never really liked George Clooney.” One girl said, “I don’t believe I’ve ever heard those words come from a woman’s mouth.” Hmm, well, something about him just irritates me. I think he seems arrogant.” lol It’s funny how we critique each person. Then we started discussing couple mismatches. “Hey what about Renee Zellweger and that guy, Kenny Chesney.” One crewmember said, “Oh I don’t like her at all. I don’t even like her name. Zellwegger. What kind of a name is that? I said, I just think it’s strange what she does with her lips all the time.” “Yea,” this woman added, and they always look chapped!’ That’s when we really started cracking up.

Oh, my gosh, if only these people knew. When you cross the path of the flight attendants, it’s serious. We all share the experience and the ‘like factor,’ is dependent upon the way you treat us.

When I went to the back later on, I received a call from up front. “Hey, are you the one who is a big fan of Jackson Browne?” No, I told them, it’s Chris.” “Oh, well tell her he is up from his seat if she wants to come and meet him.” She said to me, “I’m so nervous, what will I say?” “Are you kidding? At his age, he’s happy to have people recognize him. Tell him you are a huge fan.”

I came up later to find that he was so nice, he took a picture with all of them in the galley. No doubt, he will be getting some good reviews. Now the couple in front of him were just becoming bolder in their lip-locking contest.

Later on a woman, who was not pleased with the price of a sandwich, sidelined, Chris. “Listen, do you have any bullion on the flight?” “You mean, like the broth? “Yes, we had it on cruise ships, and I think it would go over real well. Maybe you should suggest it, I bet you’d get a big raise.” “Oh yea,” Chris said, I bet I would!”

Ok, now we are laughing so hard. I said, “Hey, I think you should suggest that. I doesn’t take up any room at all.” Yea, she said, and it could be the same flavors, chicken or beef.”At this point she stopped and said, “No, you know if I made that suggestion, they would probably make us have that for our crew meals!” “Well, I  said, I think it would be much easier to take the ketchup packets and mix it with hot water. Just think of how cheap that would be.”

Now, the purser came to the back and we were talking about Jackson Browne again. “Well, Chris said, I don’t care about any negative things in his past, I love Jackson.” “You mean, Clyde. That’s his first name.” “What?” Yes, the purser says, it is his real first name.” I look at her and notice a look of disappointment. “Hmmm, I see, you don’t care about any of his past, but that name Clyde, is a deal-breaker.” At this she agreed. “Yea, I can see why he uses the name Jackson.” “Oh, definitely,” I said. Who would have ever signed him with that name? I mean, “Take It Easy, by Clyde Browne, just doesn’t work.”

At the tail end of the flight, we had a man complaining that his headphones didn’t work even though he had been using his own. He wanted the purser to “compensate him.” She said she didn’t understand, since he had offered his headphones to the man next to him, and he had been using his own. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, I should still be compensated.”

This reminded me of another story, which I shared. I had a trip once, where the Foo Fighters were in First Class. I was joking around with David Grohl, that he looked like a guy in my high school class excepted he was about 20 years older than he was. Then the drummer had come to the galley to chat,  He was telling me they were going to be performing later, and if I wanted, I could come. I couldn’t because I wasnt staying, but I told him, “Hey, I bet we have had some stranger things take place on this flight, than at some of your concerts.” (Now I actually did go to a Foo Fighter’s Concert a couple of years later,but that’s for another post.)

I told him that as we were boarding, a couple approached me and told me that two gentlemen would be coming behind them, and they happened to know that they were drinking heavily on the flight coming in with them. They were really drunk. Well, a few minutes later, sure enough. Here were two guys, and one of them sure seemed drunk. As the agent and the purser were discussing whether, they should be able to travel, one man spoke. “Listen, I am his AA sponsor. He isn’t drunk. He has Parkinson’s Disease. I can vouch for him.”

The purser said to me and the agent, “I feel bad, if this is really true.” I reminded her that there were two people who had witnessed their drinking and warned us in advance. She told the man, claiming to be the sponsor, “Ok, we will let you board, but no drinks.” They agreed and headed to the back.

Next, a man who was blind came onboard. He did not want any assistance. He had a cane and was pretty adept at getting to his seat. Therefore, we didn’t get in his way.

Well, it seems that once the drinks were being served, the AA sponsor ordered one. When the flight attendant told him, “Sir we have been informed that we cannot serve you.” He replied, “Listen, this drink is not for my partner. It’s for me.” She flatly refused and we were incredulous, as to what kind of sponsor this could be.

Later, the video screens went out in a small section of the plane and a complimentary drink was offered to those who could not see the video. As the flight attendants were trying to offer drinks to those who had no working video, the blind man called them over. “Hey I can’t see my video either. I should get a free drink!”

When I was telling this guy the story, he said, “This just happened?” “Yes, I said, it just happened.” “Oh, my gosh! You’re right, you have way stranger stuff happening on your flights, than we do at our concerts!”

So, whenever I experience all this wacky, weird behavior, I try to pretend I’m at a crazy concert. Somehow, it all seems to make sense.