Mile High Club

Fly With Me!

It’s NOT a fantasy for flight attendants!

Now that I have that out-of-the-way, I sure hope everyone gets this message. I have been on a crusade for years, that not every flight attendant is sleeping with the pilots, and we sure don’t aspire to the ‘Mile High,’ aspirations of some passengers.

Have you seriously gone into our bathrooms? You have to be a contortionist, just to engage in this exercise. Not to mention the ‘nasty factor.’

Now, I just flew a trip out of New York. My first, since returning. I knew the guy I was flying with. I remembered his face, yet didn’t remember the story. It takes a while sometimes. Most flight attendants, associate events of the flight, to the people they are working with. If it’s an uneventful flight, (which it rarely is) you may have a difficult time. However, at times the jumpseat revelations,or layover behavior,may be more than enough to jar a memory of a person.

I was on another airline and I was talking with the flight attendant, when we were reminiscing. We had discovered that we had both worked for Eastern Airlines. All of a sudden he said something really funny and I looked at him, and said, “Wait a minute! I remember you! I have a picture of you, another friend, and me, in a little photo booth. I just looked at it the other day!” We were laughing so hard and at this point remembered the exact flight, though it was so many years ago.

Now, I was looking down the business class aisle, as Jose was waking forward. As he approached, he pointed at me, and I pointed at him, and in unison, we said, “I remember you!”

“Oh, my gosh!” I said. I worked that flight with you when that young guy tried to ‘mile high,’ me!” He started laughing as I recounted the story;

The girls we were working with listened as I told them about the young guy (about 22) who was sitting in business class. Legs up on the seat and quite obviously a musician or surfer. I approached him and asked, “Are you a musician?” “No,” he said, “he’s the musician, I’m the agent.” As he pointed to the much older gentleman beside him. It was his stab at humor. “Well, I think my daughter would love you.” I laughed and asked him what kind of music?

He told me he used to play with Avril Levine, and continued, “I’m playing a concert tonight in New York, if you want to come.” “Nope, thanks, but I’m a commuter, and as soon as I’m done, I’m flying home. Maybe sometime in the future.”

He came up to the galley, where I was standing with two flying partners. One of them was Jose. “Hey,” he said, “Are you on Myspace?” “Sure, I am, isn’t everyone?” At this time, Myspace, was the trendy site. It’s since been replaced by Facebook. I told them, I was being called a MILF,by some guys on this site, and when I found out what it meant, I thought it was hilarious, albeit vulgar. At any rate, it was meant to be a compliment. At least, it made me feel younger.

The two guys, I was working with, had no idea what it meant, and this musician, interpreted. “A Mother I’d Like to ****. ” At this they were very amused.

The musician stated he would write his myspace address down and give it to me during the flight. “Ok, I’ll add you when I get home.”

I was walking down the aisle at one point, and he thrust his hand toward me with a crumpled cocktail napkin. “Here’s my address.” As I stuck it into my pocket, I went to the galley, and a few minutes later, headed to the coach cabin. I got to the back galley, when I see, this guy walking back. “What are you doing back here,” I asked. “Decide to visit coach?”

He smiled and stepped backward into the side lav, as he was using his pointer to communicate, that he wanted me to follow. As I looked at him, I was in shock! “Are you crazy?” I said. He continued. Jose, was sitting on the jumpseat, oblivious to what was taking place. This guy kept motioning, relentlessly, to me to come into the bathroom.

He finally stepped out, as Jose got up and we were talking. Now he stepped into the back bathroom on the other side, and started doing the same thing. I said, “What in the world do you think you’re doing?” “Come on!” he pleaded. “Aren’t you in the ‘mile-high’ club?” I said, “Listen, if a man wants to take me out, he’d better ask me to dinner, and I don’t know to many people who would do that in there! A five-star hotel would be a much better choice.” And then I laughed. “Get out of there!”

Now a couple of the flight attendants came from the front, and not one of them knew he was doing this. He sheepishly stepped out of the bathroom, as he realized, it just wasn’t going to happen. He started walking back to business class, with me in tow. I affectionately pushed him gently and said, “Now get back to your seat!” I was still laughing when I got into the galley, but he was now, extremely quiet. He seemed really embarrassed. I didn’t understand why.  I didn’t really believe he was serious and I wasn’t angry.

I shared the event with my crew after we deplaned, and we thought it was so funny. We actually thought his boldness was pretty admirable.

Upon my return home, I logged on to my Myspace. I went to retrieve the crumpled up napkin, in my pocket, and this is when I saw his words scrawled which offered up the whole explanation; “MILF? Prove it! Meet me in the bathroom, in the back! And his myspace address.

Oh, this was too funny! I laughed so hard at the thought, that this guy thought I had stepped into the galley and read his note. The next thing he witnessed was my heading down the aisle to the back. The excitement he must have felt, to think that I was accepting his invitation, to the challenge.

I realized that he had no reason to believe, that I wasn’t accepting this offer. The poor kid. He must have been living the fantasy, only to have his hopes dashed on the bathroom floor. Probably thought I was trying to tease him. Which I certainly wanted to clear up.

I sent him a message, and told him, I had not read the message until I arrived home, and I laughed at the thought, that he misread my actions, but I told him, “In all my years of flying, no one has ever done that! I have to admire your boldness!

He added me to his list, and I probably went down in his archives. I’m sure there are many groupies in that list as well, But I would be the one who ruined that fantasy for him. For him, his “mile high club,’ was an aborted takeoff.

Pap Smears and Pedicures

I had been discussing the issue of insurance and commiserating with a fellow flight attendant. I was upset with the fact that my time is being wasted when I am at home, with doctors’ appointments, etc.

Why should I continue to waste all of  this time on layovers, in hotels, when I could accomplish these mundane tasks?  I work a trip and arrive at home to a million different errands. Can’t we consolidate this somehow? I began to think of ways to multi-task.

“For instance,” I said, “why not have my pap smears at my hotel? If we could get a doctor to do house calls and bring the equipment, it would be perfect! Hey, since my feet are in the stirrups,  I could even get my pedicure at the same time! Just think of all the time I would save!”

My flying partner totally agreed. “Yea!” He said, we should all be able to have our prostate exams and everything on our layovers. I said, “well, just imagine, relaxing with a glass of wine, while someone is doing a facial and an annual exam, at the same time.” All the leisure time you would have when you get home!”

 The next morning we met downstairs and I said “Hey, I had my mammogram last night.” He replied, “Yea, I had a colonoscopy!”

I do believe this should be one for Obama’s new health care reform. We could save time, and they could save money. I’m thinking I could probably have my hair done, while the mammogram is being performed. And I could even throw a manicure into that. Perhaps a little discount for added incentive. Put our tax dollars to work for us!  This is my own ‘energy conservation program.’ No more running as if I’m in a triathlon, when I come home for my few days off.Not to mention we would also be more environmentally conscious, as we would be conserving much more fuel.

The hotels should just have these medical people on staff and we could make our appointments as we check in. Perhaps the insurance companies could work out a special package with the salons and offer it to the consumer.

While I’m getting my teeth cleaned, I think I’ll have my legs waxed. I think anything that I could do in a salon, basically, can be added to the exam routine. Waxing, hair, nails, facial’s,etc. Why not?

As I was explaining my wildly ingenious idea, to my mom and daughter, this is the song which came to me and my mom was rolling in laughter as I was singing it. I’m sure many lyrics could be added. “Pap smears and pedicures, on company time, Insurance coverage, I don’t spend a dime!” (To the tune of Incense and Peppermints)

Yep, that’s a perfect tune, waiting for the lyrics.A one-stop shop, on our layover time, and it would all be a perfect package. Now  I say we vote on this as part of the plan. All who travel as part of their jobs, please weigh in… All in favor, say Yes!!!

Where Can I Hide From Your Spirit?

London subway bombingsBack door of our hotel

Yes, it happened and I wasn’t the only one there, although people would want everyone to think it never happened. Twelve other crew members to be exact.  We were told to walk down a street in full uniform while bombs were exploding and suffered trauma as a result of this.I was the one that fought with everyone in authority. I told them that this was insane. I was the one that was taken aside and they tried to persuade repeatedly since I was the spokesperson for the others that didn’t want to go.

Now I’m supposed to pretend it never really happened because reports were covered up. But everybody knows. My own reputation is being ruined and because I was the only one that reported it, I am being told to just be quiet and go away. But I’m not going away and neither are any of the others that were in this incident. We have all suffered as a result of this, no matter how harmless this seems to the ones that sent us into this street. Because we weren’t killed, does not mean no harm had taken place that day. We all assessed our own lives as we ran down the street and when we found out another bomb exploded, one of the pilots ran off and left us, stranded on the street.

We were terrified and as we rode on the bus knowing that there could be suicide bombers in the area, we had to wonder if we would make it to the airport. We also wondered what the whole point of the mission was, since most of the transportation was shut down and if we would indeed make it back to the states. Quite a few crew members were crying. I will never forget that day and was angry enough to file an action, but now I’m more angry to find out that this was covered up. I told the attorney that it was never about money. I wanted to tell the story so that it did not happen again. But to have this swept under the carpet and to now to be treated so bad this past year as if I’m the one that has done something wrong for taking a stand, just infuriates me.

I risked my life for a company and been threatened and harassed repeatedly.The terrorism that I had experienced that day in the streets of London was nothing compared to the terrorism that I experienced this past year since these corporate people have learned that I’ve discovered they covered up the safety reports. I have lived without money and had benefits cut and now they have tried to strip me of any dignity, because of their own lack of integrity.

I’m sorry but I thought I lived in a country where we had a constitution and it separated us from countries that operated under dictatorship. Lately I’ve been seeking justice and can find none. My union has all but disappeared. The justice system is so corrupted that it’s difficult to find anyone to pursue people just for the sake of integrity. So the average citizen’s pursuit of any kind of life,liberty and justice, is pretty much a myth, However, when the Lord decides it’s time, it will all implode, and believe me, it’s coming soon.

“Since the time of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of God has suffered violence, but the violent shall take it by force.” (Matthew 11:12) The believers are not called to maintain the kingdom until the return of the Lord, but to advance the kindgom and we do this by upholding truth and righteousness. It is not easy or comfortable. It’s not convenient. I remember a pastor of mine telling me that if you are comfortable in the Lord, you’re in a dangerous place. You should be in the battle.” Of course he was talking about the spiritual battle, not a physical battle. People would rather not speak up and say anything to rock to boat. It’s easier to just follow the rest of the sheep. But the Lord also says, “there is a way that seems right to a man, but it leads to destruction.

I am confident that the Lord will expose all of these deeds in due time. No man can hide from His spirit. (Psalm139:7)